Before we start the pod, if you want to come see me perform stand-up comedy live,

you can catch me in Edmonton, Canada, April 10th through 12th, Lafayette, Louisiana, April 17th,

Houston, Texas, April 18th to 19th, Portland, Maine, May 29th to 30th, Baltimore, Maryland, July 16th, Washington, D.C., July 17th through 18th.

Then I've got my empty states tour, Idaho, Montana, South Dakota, North Dakota.

That's going to rip.

And I'm going to be ending up the year, recording my debut special in Brooklyn, New York, October 23rd.

So come on out, get tickets to these and see that, particularly Brooklyn, New York.

October 22rd, we'd love to see you there.

All right.

All those tickets are available at columntural.com, plus loads more dates on that website. Go check it out. All right. Enjoy the podcast.

Yo, what's up everybody? Welcome to another episode of the Columtero podcast. You can probably hear in my voice, I'm a little bit under the weather.

And, you know, I've got to just rip off the Band-Aid, as they say here.

No easy way to say it.

Obviously, you've been talking to friends and family the last couple of weeks about this

shit, but you know, I have asshole cancer.

I got it from just having gay sex now and then my my asshole is full of

cancer and AIDS AIDS cancer AIDS cancer just my asshole my dick is fine because I'm actually I'm a bottom

but um I you know that my ass is now full cancer and that's why my my my voice sounds a little odd

because my my um vocal cords are actually located up my asshole.

I had a surgery removed.

I had a surgery because I liked how deep my, my, my, my, my, my farts always sounded so deep.

Oh, like a real man.

...