This is Dottie, the transgendered rooster, and you're listening to TVTL, the number one top show for time banded roosters.

Oh, my family's gone, my dog hates me, and I can't remember what happened last night. Was I here?

Was you ever?

I came in saying you're really needed to forget something, so I mixed you up the most powerful drink I got.

Don't forget me, shot.

Oh, forget me, shot. Never heard of it.

Yeah, that means it worked. No one ever remembers.

You start with a splash of yegan mustard, and it's slow gin.

That's a simple set, quadruple set.

Yeah, going from a dog's eye, absolute pickle.

Mmm, pickle.

The red stripe from aqua fresh, and the funniest ingredient, the venom of the Louisiana lobotomors.

You stir it with a home pregnancy test till it turns positive.

And press tone, to forget me, shot.

Here's something you're going to want to remember, a Friday night edition of TVTL.

The show that's probably too beautiful to live.

I'm your host, Luke Burbank, weighing in at 187 pounds.

Row, row, row your boat, even though all the people participating in the rowing club I'm in are quite possibly insane.

It does not bother me. In fact, I kind of like it because I know there's somebody around.

Hey, Flash.

Hi, this is Luke's mom, Susie, coming tonight on TVTL.

What I meant to say was party like it's 1999.

...