Amy Bloom | A “Good” Death (and why we need to talk about it)
Good Life Project
Jonathan Fields / Acast
4.5 • 3.4K Ratings
🗓️ 7 March 2022
⏱️ 63 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
What does it actually mean to have a “good” death? If you’re like most people, the very question - simply by the nature of it - scares you. In fact, you may be about to tune out of this episode at this very moment. I urge you to stay with me. Because there are things we all need to think about, to feel, to know. Because, in no small way, the idea of a “good” death is an essential part of the conversation we’ve been having for the last decade about living a good life. But if we never talk about, feel into it, and have open, honest, sometimes hard, but deeply meaningful conversations around it, then we leave our final act largely to fate or the will of others. To the extent that, when the time comes, we have some level of agency, at a moment where - and this is a critical distinction - we’re of sound mind, fully-supported and well-informed, it’s important to know - what are the things to consider, what are the unknowns, and how much of any of it is really in our hands?
These are the questions and the circumstances that my guest, acclaimed author, screenwriter, and teacher, Amy Bloom, were presented with when her beloved husband was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in his 60s, and quickly made a decision that, in his words, “the long goodbye” was not for him. The time that followed was marked by no small amount of suffering, not just because of the looming loss of a beloved, but because of the landscape that confronted them when seeking to “do it their way” compounded that suffering. The experience is laid bare, in an achingly beautiful and also stunningly eye-opening way, in Amy’s new book, In Love: A Memoir of Love and Loss. This is not an easy conversation, but it is an incredibly important one. And I’m grateful for Amy’s openness, vulnerability, and wisdom in both sharing her story and guiding this conversation.
You can find Amy at: Website
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You cannot disregard people's faults and you can't expect them to change. |
| 0:04.9 | You know, we meet each other. We're kind of all pretty much cooked and you can work on your behavior, |
| 0:10.8 | but you're not going to change your nature. And so it always seems to me that if you pick somebody |
| 0:15.1 | and you spend the next 20 years saying, be different, you know, that's on you. You pick the wrong person. |
| 0:20.9 | As they must have said a million times, I'm going to die on my feet, not live on my knees, |
| 0:25.6 | which was just his nature. And Brian's memorial, this guy who played football with him in high |
| 0:31.8 | school said to me, nobody ever knocked you down harder or put out a hand faster to pull you up. |
| 0:36.8 | He knew who he was. |
| 0:40.8 | So what does it actually mean to have a quote good death? Well, if you're like most people, |
| 0:45.9 | the very question, simply by the nature of it, it scares you. In fact, you may be about to tune |
| 0:51.4 | out to this episode at this very moment, simply because I posed it. And I'm going to urge you to stay |
| 0:56.3 | with me because there are things we all need to think about to feel to know because in no small |
| 1:01.8 | way, the idea of a good death is an essential part of the conversation that we have been having for |
| 1:08.2 | the last decade about living a good life. But if we never talk about it, if we never feel into it |
| 1:14.0 | and have open on us, sometimes hard, but deeply meaningful conversations around it, |
| 1:19.4 | well, then we leave our final act largely to fate or to the will of others. And to the extent that |
| 1:25.0 | when it comes time, we have some level of agency at a moment where, and this is a critical distinction, |
| 1:32.0 | where of sound mind fully supported and well informed, it's important to know what are the things |
| 1:37.3 | to consider what are the unknowns and how much of any of it is really in our hands. These are |
| 1:42.9 | the questions and circumstances that my guest, a claimed author, screenwriter and teacher, Amy Bloom, |
| 1:49.2 | were presented with when her beloved husband was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's in his |
| 1:55.0 | 60s and quickly made a decision that in his words, the long goodbye was not for him. The time that |
... |
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