Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

Hello, I'm Kelly Mantle.

And this is the Kelly Mantle show.

Won't you come inside the Kelly Mantle Studio? Do you know I never know where I am, but I always end up where I'm supposed to be?

Isn't that appetizing?

The other day I was in the library with my good Judy Mary, Jay Blige, and I stumbled

across a book about getting out of your way and saying what you really want to say without

your inner saboteur getting in the way. It was in the self-help section nestled between sports and leisure and eroticism.

But what I loved most was the recipe for artisan toast that someone wrote on a post-it note, covering the New York Times pull quote, and the author's personalized anecdotes.

But as I started to read this very long essay, I could tell that the author's personalized anecdotes. But as I started to read this very long essay,

I could tell that the author wasn't really saying what he wanted to say.

And I thought, is this his way of projecting his inner saboteur onto us,

in the form of wordplay for a payday?

Because it was obvious to me that the author really didn't know what he wanted to say.

Well, at that moment Mary walked up and I put the book away.

But I took that post-it note and I slipped it into my coat,

and I went home and I made that audison toast but it was gross and so I vomited.

Welcome to the Kelly Mantle show. Won't you come inside the Kelly Mantle studio?

Today's guest is not my real dad, and she never will be.

Her makeup is terrible, but I am her, and she is me.

She enjoys riding dirty, and everything must be leopard print.

...