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Let's start from the beginning. We are, as I pretty much begin every talk, reminding us that we are a social species.

We're born with an innate cycle biological drive to connect because that's in our species what allows us to survive.

Other species survives because physiological capabilities running, flying, swimming,

fighting, burrowing.

But for us, what gave our species its durability is simply our ability to bond into small

collectives where we one take care of each other for security and two we help each other maintain

psychological well-being. Human beings do not on their own achieve psychological regulation, emotion regulation, without the support

of others. We need both what's called co-regulation, the ability to connect with others

to express what's going on and to have that person through their presence, through mirroring facial expressions and their body language

and their tone of voice, we limbically begin to essentially match each other's state of being.

So if I'm upset and I come to you and I said something really

fucked up happened to me and you listen and in being with you I start to match, mirror your emotional state.

That's how I process, loneliness, fear, anxiety, grief, and so forth.

We also need to develop auto-regulation tools, which are the way we regulate strong emotions when there's nobody around.

But those skills come after we develop the ability to co-regulate and nobody can process emotions without having that ability to bond and

connect with others.

The key is it starts very early and it's in fact the most dominant proposition in the

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