Hello and welcome back to you me and the Big C with me Laura Mann aka gov as cancer and Deborah James aka bowel babe and I'm sure you will all know we are missing one vital ingredient to this pod and that is our lovely Rachel blend of big C little me and today's pod is going to be talking about our age.

Talking about the last week and how we've been coming through the motions that really haven't we yeah absolutely and trying to justice to our wonderful wonderful friends yeah as many of you who are probably need to our podcast a thank you very much for listening and be you know sadly you have been put to the podcast because right died and I am going to use that because I she wanted us to say she died yesterday leaving behind loads of friends and family and obviously her beloved

Steve and Freddie and I think we over the last you know 48 hours have absolutely 24 hours been kind of talking about rate what she means to us and I'm hoping that we can do her a bit of justice it does feel weird doesn't it say it does feel weird I just yeah I'm chopped already are you yeah we promise not to cry well we start with what happened so in terms of where we know you know

we were privy to this one way a few days yeah you guys were we got a message is that last week Wednesday yeah we got a message so I think all of us have been speaking to her we do you know actually lots we we are space be recording our pod today we are

we are doing recording our pod today yes we had it scheduled in and I last but to Rachel on Wednesday last week and I think we all kind of at a similar time and she just come down to London and I think she came down to to see somebody

and I think she knew because she called me and she knew it wasn't great and she went home we were supposed to meet actually that day for a drink yeah and she went home and the next day we received a message we have what's that group between between you know us us gang up our cost and actually I saw a picture on our Instagram stories I just got on holiday I message the group did not and I said can I please go on holiday because there's so much happens with treatments and stuff I wasn't sure

if I could and I was in I think I was in Malaga less than 48 hours and I saw a picture of her in hospital she'd put something up yeah she'd back in hospital and I was like what have you gone and done now

what was don't worry about me just a few tests please go and enjoy your holiday and we made some ban are about getting my maracas out and how that was going to be the next slogan on a girl best

pan for tea and then I think it was like the day later yeah it was it was seven o'clock in the morning the following day and I'm just going to read it to you and I don't think right to your mind

she said this to to Mike L Lauren and myself who will work on on you me and the big scene she said it it breaks my heart to have to do this to you guys

but there will be no more pods for me I can't take calls yet as to broken but this moment happened yesterday

I'm sorry I can't manage your 850 pound bottle of wine basically I had to deal with her and it's a random story that I basically snogged a guy and got a really expensive bottle of wine

I don't know when to open it it was kind of it is one of those moments it's been sitting in my cupboard and I haven't I don't know what it is and I've always said to rate right rate if you get a poppy clugs love

I'm bringing that bottle and we're going to crack it open in your bedside and she sent us a picture of her drinking some champagne

and she said I've been sent home and I've been told that I've got days left I've got a love death admin to do yeah

so obviously in her organised way she went off and she did some death death admin now over the weekend

obviously this wasn't public but the team

the podcast family as we like to call herself I think all of us individually have had to say our goodbyes and it's been incredibly hard hasn't it

yeah I think it's just I don't feel like I actually said the words goodbye but we have exchanged messages

I basically said to her or you I leave you a line for two days and you go dying on me how selfish

and she sent this back I know look what happens when I'm left unattended

she was like I seriously didn't want to spoil your holiday

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