A Man's Guide To Disorganized Attachment
ManTalks Podcast
Connor Beaton
4.8 • 591 Ratings
🗓️ 6 January 2025
⏱️ 50 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Talking points: attachment, mindset, psychology
Diving into the deep end for 2025, team. The disorganized attachment style is complex, hard to manage, and my heart goes out to anyone who struggles with this. But over the years of training and study, and working with clients with disorganized attachment, I've found some things that help. Here's your primer, team.
(00:00:00) - Why disorganized attachment is so challenging, what makes it different, and the biggest origin points
(00:09:26) - Digging deeper: how does disorganized attachment get formed?
(00:19:47) - Signs of disorganized attachment as an adult
(00:32:05) - How do you heal this?
(00:43:16) - On the importance of working with your nervous system, and one final piece of advice
***
Tired of feeling like you're never enough? Build your self-worth with help from this free guide: https://training.mantalks.com/self-worth
Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
Heard about attachment but don’t know where to start? Try the FREE Ultimate Guide To Attachment
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Mentioned in this episode:
Self Worth
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | All right, everybody, welcome back to the Man Talk Show. |
| 0:09.0 | Connor Beaten here. |
| 0:10.2 | Today, we're going to be talking about disorganized attachment. |
| 0:13.1 | This is going to be a full and robust guide to disorganized attachment. |
| 0:18.0 | I'm going to define it for you. |
| 0:20.1 | I'm going to tell you about how it gets formed, what actually creates that disorganized attachment. I'm going to define it for you. I'm going to tell you about how it gets |
| 0:22.5 | formed, what actually creates that disorganized attachment, how it shows up in your life or in your |
| 0:28.0 | partner's life or in somebody's life that you know. And then what do you do? How do you actually |
| 0:33.3 | begin to work with and move through your disorganized attachment style. Now, admittedly, this is |
| 0:41.1 | a challenging attachment style for a number of reasons, just as in the title, as in the name of it, |
| 0:47.6 | it's disorganized. The person really struggles to stay connected to any type of intimacy and relationship. There's a desire |
| 0:57.7 | and a fear of intimacy. There is a desire for closeness, but a fear of abandonment. So the way I like |
| 1:07.6 | to break it down is, I don't know how to be in relationship. That's the sort of |
| 1:11.5 | moniker or narrative going on inside of an individual with disorganized attachment. You could also |
| 1:19.5 | put on the sort of title of, I deeply crave intimacy and relationship, but I'm also |
| 1:26.4 | afraid of it and I don't know how to make it happen. |
| 1:30.6 | So for the disorganized person, there is one real big component that is different from almost |
| 1:38.1 | every other attachment style, whether it's avoidant, fearful, avoidant, anxious, et cetera, which is that |
| 1:45.7 | there is a kind of hypervigilance towards any small relational changes. Any changes within their |
| 1:55.2 | partner, any change within the relationship itself can send that disorganized person into a bit of a spiral, |
| 2:02.3 | a panic about the relationship being changed or that being a threat. |
| 2:07.0 | Because for the disorganized person, it's almost always the case that their disorganized |
... |
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