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Garrison Keillor's Podcast

A love note to Texas, Sweetheart

Garrison Keillor's Podcast

Prairie Home Productions

Society & Culture, Fiction, Comedy Fiction, Improv, Comedy

4.81.1K Ratings

🗓️ 23 November 2024

⏱️ 7 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

I loved my five days there. I encountered keen politeness. The truck stop guy who said, “I appreciate your business” when I paid for my two Butterfingers. The hotel clerk. I walked a long hall to my room and three cleaning ladies looked up and said, “Good morning.” When I left Austin on Monday, a man walked up to me in the airport and said quietly, “I want to thank you for all the pleasure you’ve given people over the years.”Nobody ever said that to me before in just that graceful way. I was touched. At my age, you should’ve given some pleasure to people and he was thanking me for it, not as a fan but on behalf of people in general. Now I wish I had thrown my arms around him.

This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit garrisonkeillor.substack.com/subscribe

Transcript

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0:00.0

I was in Texas last week doing shows, which is my line of work, and I was sorry to leave because frankly it was the most

0:23.6

fun I can remember having, well, wearing a suit and a tie.

0:30.6

And now I think of what I'm saying and I'm surprised by what I've just said.

0:38.3

We Minnesotans are not known for euphoria.

0:43.3

We experience sexual fantasy and we think, well, that wasn't bad.

0:49.3

A person could do worse, that's for sure.

0:53.3

And on top of my northern self-restraint, I grew up fundamentalist,

0:58.9

which even after you depart from the fold, leaves you with a lifelong allergy to pleasures

1:08.3

of all kinds. Fun is not our thing.

1:13.8

We leave the party before the dancing starts.

1:17.2

I do a show and remember what went wrong.

1:22.2

In photographs, I look like a defendant.

1:25.7

The jury has just voted unanimously to convict after 10 minutes of deliberation.

1:32.2

We are susceptible to alcoholism because we keep drinking, waiting for it to make us happy until we lose consciousness.

1:45.0

And now, as the self-righteous 81-year-old liberal,

1:49.0

I tend to look down on Texas

1:53.0

because it gave us the Bush, who gave us the war in Iraq,

1:58.0

and Ted Cruz, the man who grew a beard to try to hide his smirk.

2:05.1

It gave us a whole slew of people whose idea of gun control is to hold the pistol very steady

2:13.2

and take aim.

2:15.4

We liberals love to feel righteous, and just looking at the word Texas in my mind

2:24.7

makes us admire ourselves even more. So when I go there, I remind myself, whatever else you might say about it, Texas gave us Molly

...

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