Welcome back to the Look and Sound of Leadership, an ongoing series of executive coaching

tips designed to help you be perceived in the workplace the way you want to be perceived. I'm Tom Henschel,

your executive coach and today we're talking about a difficult conversation.

In response to last month's executive coaching tip called Be Impecable with Your Word, I got the following email from a guy named Guy.

He wrote,

My boss constantly corrects me and undermines me in meetings.

It's not that she says I'm wrong exactly,

but she makes it clear we have different styles and that my style is worse than hers.

How do I approach her about this?

Guy's situation feels like many others I've coached so my five-step recommendation to him is this month's

coaching tip. Here's what I wrote. Dear guy, I'm sorry this is happening to you.

I'm encouraged that I don't hear any hint that you want to make her stop or to change her, which is good since we can't

change anyone but ourselves. So how can you approach her about this? Here are five steps to help you do this as smoothly as possible.

Step one, gather good data. You say your boss constantly corrects me.

Hmm, really, constantly?

I doubt that.

When exactly does her correcting behavior happen?

What does she actually say? How exactly does she undermine you?

Don't trust your memory or your feelings. Write it down and don't inflate or

exaggerate what happens. be as accurate as possible.

You might also gather data from others.

Don't influence people by asking loaded questions like,

...