Totally Football Show, totally flummoxed by the goings-on in the world's greatest game these past few days.

Arsenal line up 72 million pound deal for Nicholas Pepe.

What? Yeah, of course I've heard of him.

Fire up the video printer, Atletti put seven, yes, S-E-V-E-N pass rail,

as Diego Costa scores for and gets sent off in New Jersey.

But Los Blancos bailout of Gareth's Chinese takeaway with the Welsh winger destined to spend the season suing himself in Madrid

rather than embedding himself in Chinese culture.

All that plus humorous injuries, your questions and more.

Coming at you like Sead Kalazinatch up against some knife wielding uton

mopeds this is the totally football show in association with paddy power

hey hey listener welcome it's nice to have your company etc and so on i'm matt davis adams

keeping ac jimbo's seat warm for the penultimate time alongside me today me today are Michael Cox, colon author of the mixer colon, the story of Premier League tactics comma, from Route 1 to false nines, and the all new zonal marking colon, the making of modern European football. And Michael how are their preseason pre-season preps for Mercedom 2.0, aka Kingstonian game? Great reference. Only the one pre preseason friendly I've gone to so far. I think I'm missing the first game, but looking forward to Wingate and Finchley away on the first Tuesday of the season. Who isn't? Joining Michael, it's only Tom Williams, author of Do You Speak Football? Question Mark, colon, a glossary of football words and phrases from around the world hello tom hello

man controversial with a question mark and a colon let's hope the leader of the house of commons doesn't

find out yes well i wonder about that and i'm not sure what the rules are when you have a book

whose main title finishes with a question mark and then a subheading i would argue that it doesn't

necessarily need a colon and i've noticed that on the various different websites where the book is still for sale, it seems to change from website to website. So maybe someone can give us a judgment call on that. Jacob, if you're listening, tweet is at The Totally Show. Actually don't. Now then, Tom, you're from Wales, so perhaps better place than quite literally anyone to know what's going on inside the mind of Gareth Bale. He's also Welsh.

The latest news from Madrid that his million pound a week moved to the Chinese Super League club Jiangsu Sunning is now off.

And Project Make Football Massive in China is going to have to look for a new figurehead, Phelani, Europe.

The CSL transfer window closes on Wednesday. Anton Toluie from Sky Sports News and the Parts Unnamed Wrestling podcast tweeted this morning that Jansu Sunning have signed Ivan Santini from Andelect, thus filling their quota of foreign players. What's going on here? It's Real Madrid, who pulled the plug on it, basically. Yes, it appears to be. From the reports I've read, the suggestion is that Florentino Perez, the Emeralded President, who's always been quite a big Gareth Bail fan, wasn't happy with him being bundled out through the back door, and in a move that appears contrary to the wishes of Zinadine Zadan, who is clearly very much not a Gareth Bail fan,

Perez decided that he wants him to stay put at least for now.

And it's hard to see how this situation will resolve itself

when Zidane is so clearly determined not to involve Bale in his plans in the coming season.

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