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An Old Timey Podcast

93: President Garfield is Shot (Part 5)

An Old Timey Podcast

An Old Timey Podcast

True Crime, Comedy, History

4.91.5K Ratings

🗓️ 4 March 2026

⏱️ 82 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Charles Guiteau was seething. He’d convinced himself that he deserved a political appointment. When he didn’t get one, he placed the blame squarely on President James Garfield’s shoulders.

James Garfield was a liar. A cheat. The country would be better off without him!

Over time, Charles convinced himself that God wanted him to assassinate the president. So? He bought a gun. He tracked the president’s movements. He shot the President in cold blood.

Remember, kids, history hoes always cite their sources! For this episode, Kristin pulled from:
The book, “Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine, and the Murder of a President,” by Candice Millard
The book, “Dark Horse: The Surprise Election and Political Murder of President James A. Garfield,” by Kenneth D. Ackerman
“Murder of a President” documentary and additional resources from PBS.org
“‘As a Matter of Fact, I Presume I Shall Live to be President’”: A Brief Biographical Sketch of Garfield’s Assassin” from the National Park Service
“Assassination and Insanity in Gilded Age America,” by Winston Bowman

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Are you *really* enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Well, calm down, history ho! You can get more of us on Patreon at patreon.com/oldtimeypodcast. At the $5 level, you’ll get a monthly bonus episode (with video!), access to our 90’s style chat room, plus the entire back catalog of bonus episodes from Kristin’s previous podcast, Let’s Go To Court.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hear ye, hear ye. You are listening to an old-timey podcast. I'm Kristen Caruso. And I'm Norman Caruso.

0:09.1

And on this episode, Charles Guto snaps. Part five. Snap, crackle pop, Charles Guto.

0:16.6

Oh yeah, that's the exact right tone for this episode, Norm. Keep it fun and happy and positive the whole time, okay?

0:22.8

No matter what I say, toxic positivity through the whole thing.

0:27.7

Charles politely shot James Garfield.

0:31.1

Spoilers all around.

0:33.1

Kristen, can I do my Patreon plug?

0:35.9

Yes, you may.

0:36.6

Thank you for asking for permission.

0:38.1

You so rarely do.

0:39.4

Thank you, tall queen.

0:41.4

Folks, if you haven't joined our Patreon yet, I'm extremely disappointed in you.

0:46.0

Because this month, I, Normie C, presented an incredible story from the American Civil War

0:51.2

where a free black man slaughtered Confederate pirates.

0:55.0

In the dead of night, William Tillman snuck up on those scurvy dogs, and bam!

1:00.0

He smacked him over the head with a hatchet.

1:02.0

Oh, that, okay, well, you do love to see it, though.

1:07.0

He was one of the very first heroes of the American Civil War, and sadly his story has mostly been forgotten.

1:12.1

And you might be thinking, wow, Norman, that does sound really interesting.

1:16.1

But I bet it costs a fortune to hear that tale.

1:19.2

Who do you think I am, famous author and critical thinker, Dr. Hubert Montgomery, Esquire Ph.D.?

1:25.4

Wow, it's like you can read people's minds, Norm.

...

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