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An Old Timey Podcast

92: The First Lady is Sick… But What About ME? (Part 4)

An Old Timey Podcast

An Old Timey Podcast

True Crime, Comedy, History

4.91.5K Ratings

🗓️ 25 February 2026

⏱️ 88 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

When James Garfield won the presidential election, Charles Guiteau was ecstatic. He was certain that he’d played a major role in Garfield’s victory. So, fueled by delusion, Charles Guiteau began hounding James Garfield for a political appointment.

Meanwhile, New York Senator and political boss Roscoe Conkling threw a temper tantrum. James Garfield had the tenacity to fill his cabinet with members of his *own* choosing. That made Roscoe mad. So? He hatched a plan. A very stupid plan.

Remember, kids, history hoes always cite their sources! For this episode, Kristin pulled from:
The book, “Destiny of the Republic: A Tale of Madness, Medicine, and the Murder of a President,” by Candice Millard
The book, “Dark Horse: The Surprise Election and Political Murder of President James A. Garfield,” by Kenneth D. Ackerman
“Murder of a President” documentary and additional resources from PBS.org
“‘As a Matter of Fact, I Presume I Shall Live to be President’”: A Brief Biographical Sketch of Garfield’s Assassin” from the National Park Service
“Secret Service fast facts,” CNN Editorial Research

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Are you *really* enjoying An Old Timey Podcast? Well, calm down, history ho! You can get more of us on Patreon at patreon.com/oldtimeypodcast. At the $5 level, you’ll get a monthly bonus episode (with video!), access to our 90’s style chat room, plus the entire back catalog of bonus episodes from Kristin’s previous podcast, Let’s Go To Court.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hear ye, hear ye. You are listening to an old-timey podcast. I'm Kristen Caruso.

0:07.8

And I'm Norman Caruso. And on this episode, Charles Guto won't leave anyone alone. Part four.

0:14.8

The pest. He's a little pest. Yeah. This is the fun one before we get to the bad one

0:21.6

Hey

0:21.9

Hey hey

0:22.9

Oh I'm getting something

0:25.0

Hang on

0:25.5

You're not getting anything

0:26.7

Oh

0:27.5

What?

0:29.8

Breaking news

0:30.8

Oh yeah

0:31.5

Yes

0:32.3

Uh huh

0:32.8

Sorry I had to let the

0:35.5

The alert finish

0:36.8

You know it feels like it's not really breaking news if you wait for the music to play out.

0:40.9

Well, you know, we have to respect the production.

0:43.8

Okay, so let it play out.

0:45.3

After a thorough third-party investigation, Kristen Caruso and Norman Caruso, that's us, are not in the Epstein files.

0:53.8

Norman?

1:11.9

It's official. Well, I'm glad. Yeah. I shouldn't say I'm glad. I know I'm not in there. What a weird thing to say. Listen, we want the public's trust. Okay. And so I just wanted to make sure we weren't in there. Turns out we're not. I thought it was important for our listeners to know that as well.

...

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