9: Simon Peter's Sweet Sixteen (The Gospel of Matthew, Part Two)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 24 June 2018

⏱️ 70 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

A question for you, Theophiloi: How many times would you like to listen to us go through the Gospel of Matthew? As many as... seven times? Well, you'll have to settle for two, as this week finds us finally getting into scripture. Join us here at Skull Mountain Baptist Church as we ghost ride the whip into Jerusalem, strain out gnats, gulp down camels, and celebrate the birthday of everyone's favorite dimwitted Apostle, Teen Peter.

Topics of discussion: Bad ideas about when to bury your relatives, dogs of the Bible, the proper age for a Dog Bar Mitzvah, the apocryphal Gospel of Don Bluth, the Outer Darkness, Ultimate Mark, the Son of Man vs. the Son of David, Messianic Judaism, the last panel of every Jack Chick comic, Jesus being visited at work, Other Mary, Peter's greatest hits, Jesus's invention of metaphors, the real Kingdom Hearts, Peter's true and canonical age, white nonsense, The Fig Tree Discourse, Other Jesus, the good kind of forsaking, the Good Friday zombie apocalypse, Thunder, a disappointing lack of hijinx in the time of Silver Age Jesus, and Heave the Jesus Dog.

Hey, you can also support the show now at ko-fi.com/apocrypals ! If you like it enough that you'd buy us a latte while we talked at you about the Bible, you can throw a few bucks our way as a love offering!

Transcript

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0:00.0	When Jesus saw large crowds around him, he gave the order to go to the other side of the sea.
0:05.4	A scribe approached him and said,
0:07.0	Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.
0:10.0	Jesus told him, foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the son of man has no place to lay his head.
0:16.2	Lord, another of his disciples, said, first let me go bury my father.
0:19.9	But Jesus told him, follow me, and let me go bury my father. But Jesus told him,
0:21.2	Follow me,
0:22.2	and let the dead bury their own dead.
0:24.4	The Gospel of Matthew,
0:26.0	chapter 8,
0:26.9	verses 18 through 22.
0:28.6	But if this ever-changing world
0:32.3	in which we're living,
0:35.0	makes you giving a cry say live and let die
0:44.3	live and let die. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Apocrypal's.
1:07.0	This is the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible and we really try
1:11.3	not to be jerks about it.
1:12.6	My name is Chris Sims and with me as always is Benito Serino.
1:15.1	Benito, how are you today?
1:16.6	Good.
1:17.1	I'm feeling kind of divided.
1:19.7	A little divided if you feel me.
	...

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