9-25-17 | This Past Weekend #43
This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von
Theo Von
4.7 • 28K Ratings
🗓️ 25 September 2017
⏱️ 81 minutes
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| 0:00.0 | This past weekend, all right, check, check. Got me. There we go. Happy Monday. |
| 0:16.7 | Celebrate me. Celebrate me. Is I ready? You know that soon we're going to die. Let's have some fun while we all die. |
| 0:36.7 | All right. All right. It's Monday September 25th of the year 2017 and some people want to say that it's not autumn. Okay, but it's autumn. It's fall. You know, this is winner's little mixed baby. You know, this is winner's little mixed baby. And this thing is nibbling at our nipples. |
| 1:03.7 | I went outside yesterday and I could feel Mother Nature being naughty. I could feel her licking at the ends of my limbs at my elbows and my lips. I could feel that naughty little bitch tickling my whiskers. You know what I'm talking about. |
| 1:24.7 | And that is autumn coming. That is Mother Nature showing off her fanciness. You know, she want to, she's hanging all her clothes out to dry. You know, the parties over the skinny dip and in the, you know, the swimming and the drinking lemonade and the summertime activities are over. And Mother Nature is about to shake them leaves off. And you could even hear birds being like, I'm the fucker. |
| 1:52.7 | This bout to get cold. |
| 1:55.7 | And you see little birds that could be that might not even make it through the winter. You see them trying to couple up with bigger birds. Bigger birds that can be able to take care of them. You know, you'll see a sparrow trying to fuck a goose. |
| 2:09.7 | Or you will see a, you know, you will see a even a hummingbird, you know, trying to, trying to, you know, get in a little bit of trying to get into some doggie style with a, with a raven. |
| 2:24.7 | You will see things like that because some of these smaller animals know that winter is coming. And that's all that's going on. |
| 2:31.7 | Thank you guys for joining me. Oh, man, I'm excited. I'm excited about this show today. We had a lot of, we had, look, I had a side kick on last week, right? |
| 2:41.7 | A lot of you listeners weren't happy about it. I understand. And he'll be back. He's going to pop back in later on today. We're going to try it in a little bit of a new facet. He's not here now. |
| 2:52.7 | So that's going to be good. We have, we're going to get into some other stuff. Oh, I got to tell you what happened to me. |
| 3:00.7 | I got hair, hair rejuvenation surgery, hair rejuvenation surgery in my head with my own hair. And what it is is they take part of your hair out of the back of your head. And look, I got enough hair for everybody. |
| 3:20.7 | If you got a bald child out there or something, you know, dude, I could, dude, I could, I could put, I could make wigs for half of a St. Jude's commercial. I got enough hair coming off the back. |
| 3:32.7 | And so I, a buddy of mine introduced me to this dude a while back, this doctor out here. And next thing you know, you know, I'm in there talking to him. And he's like, look, you should get the surgery, you should get the procedure. And I love surgery. |
| 3:49.7 | I've always loved surgery. Since I was young, when I was young, I had a very small wiener, basically a wiener hole, the hole in your wiener, urethra or uretha. It's one of them. One of them is also a singer. I don't know who it is. |
| 4:05.7 | One of them is a, I think, an African-American mezzo-supranist. But the uretha or the urethra, my hole, basically, on the, on my wiener was too small. |
| 4:20.7 | So when I would pee, I was peeing, I mean, I could pee it. Did I could pee almost maybe 45 feet? It was dumb-founding the distance that I could urinate. |
| 4:31.7 | And so when I urinated, I would piss big on apple juice, too. If I had apple juice, dude, I was basically a water gun. |
| 4:38.7 | You know, I remember my brother would carry, I drink a bunch of apple juice, and my brother would carry me around. And I would basically just piss at my sisters. |
| 4:45.7 | You know, and I was just like a weapon. But it became a strain on my body. It became like painful. |
| 4:52.7 | And so they had to take me into the surgery area. And they had to cut, you know, re-cavernate, I guess. Re-cavernate my, my penis hole. |
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