89: 2000 B.C. (The First Book of Samuel)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 23 May 2021

⏱️ 101 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

You may be wondering, Theophiloi, how we could possibly talk for over 90 minutes about 1 Samuel, which contains one of the Bible stories that literally everyone knows. And yes, you almost certainly know about David and Goliath, but do you know about David's vast collection of foreskins? Or the part where the King of Israel does necromancy with the mom from Bewitched? Or that sweet sweet groundhoney? If you do, well, listen anyway, there's good jokes in this one and we’re going back to our favorite metaphorical bar.

Topics of Discussion: The New Neo-Normal, "The Great Atomic Power" by the Louvin Brothers, BrotherMania, Benito's shocking and world-shattering opinion of "Unchained Melody," an innocuous phrase that I do not enjoy saying, Nazarites, a truly sick burn on ol' Howie Lovecraft, Dagon's door rules, the secret 11th Plague, sub-par goldsmithing, an indeterminate number of melted faces, Castlevania II, Doeg the Edomite, a technique for identifying men that shows that quite frankly they have always been terrible, Carl Dean, To Da Dome, Goliath Facts, the Secret Chord Moratorium.

Hymnal: "Holding Out For a Hero" by Bonnie Tyler, "The Great Atomic Power" by the Louvin Brothers

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	You're listening to Apocrapels on the Greenlit Podcast Network.
0:04.0	Make sure to check out all of our shows at greenlitpodcasts.com.
0:08.5	Samuel declared,
0:09.9	As your sword has made women childless, so your mother will be childless among women.
0:14.4	Then he hacked agogged to pieces before the Lord at Gilgall.
0:17.5	The first book of Samuel, chapter 15, verse 33.
0:20.6	Late in night
0:21.7	I'm fuss and I turn
0:23.1	And I dream of what I say
0:25.6	I need a hero
0:27.5	I'm holding out for a hero
0:30.4	till the end of the night
0:32.2	He's got to be strong
0:34.4	And he's got to be fast
0:36.0	And he's got to be fresh from the fight.
0:39.1	I need a hero.
0:41.5	I'm holding on for a hero to the morning.
0:44.6	Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocopalus.
0:47.2	This is the podcast where two nonbelievers read through the Bible, and we try not to be jerks about it.
0:51.4	My name is Chris Sims.
0:52.8	With me, as always, is the other set of footprints. Benito Serrano. Benito, how are you? Pretty good, man, live in that post-V-V-V-A-S-L-L-L-A-L-L-E. How about you?
1:02.6	Are you in the new normal? The new-new normal? Neonormal. Neonormal. Neo-normal. Yeah. Neonormal is about to E-X-P-L-O-D. Yeah.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Chris Sims, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Chris Sims and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.