807 Scripts for When Conflict Makes You Freeze, Defend, or Shut Down

The Terri Cole Show

Terri Cole

Relationships, Mental Health, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 1.5K Ratings

🗓️ 24 February 2026

⏱️ 22 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Many people can communicate just fine until a conflict arises.

Then the nervous system gets activated, and suddenly you're either shutting down, getting defensive, or saying things you don't mean.

Sound familiar?

Our nervous systems get activated during conflict. It's normal for communication to be more challenging when you're activated than when you're not. That's just biology. When you understand how your body responds to stress, you give yourself a chance to communicate more effectively.

When you're in conflict, what happens for you?

Do you shut down?
Do you get loud?
Or begin attempting to please or appease the other person?

I'm going to walk you through the top challenges I see as a psychotherapist. And I've put together a guide with some scripts for you at terricole.com/guide.

Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/807

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Well, hello there. It's me, Terry. And before we dive into today's episode, I want to personally
0:05.4	invite you to a very special live and interactive free training that I'm teaching on Thursday,
0:10.3	February 26th at 12 p.m. Eastern. It's called how doing too much may sneakily be damaging your
0:16.4	relationships. And trust me, this is eye-opening information. If you've been overgiving, if you've been feeling resentful, or just plain exhausted from doing all the things for all the people, or saying yes when you really want to say no, in this training, you are going to find out why.
0:33.0	Head over to Terry Cole.com forward slash training to save your free seat and hey if you can't make it live for any
0:38.6	reason no problem just register anyway and i'll send you the recording and the beautiful workbook so that you
0:44.0	don't miss the thing again that link is terry cole.com forward slash training go ahead and grab your spot now
0:50.5	i can't wait to see you there all right Now let's move it on into today's episode.
0:59.6	Well, hello there and welcome to this episode of the Terry Cole show. Wow, I'm super psyched
1:06.0	that you are here. Hey, do you ever get into conflict with someone and then somehow don't know how to talk
1:12.7	anymore or lose your words or become so defensive that it only makes the whole entire situation worse?
1:20.0	Anybody? Anybody? Well, you're in luck because today's episode is all about how to become a masterful
1:26.2	communicator when you are in conflict. I'm going to be
1:29.4	breaking down the top issues that I see and that I'm giving you not only what you can do about
1:35.5	it. I'm also providing scripts for each and every situation because I know you love a script
1:40.4	moment and who doesn't. So before we get into it, I want to say thank you so much for being
1:45.3	with me. I super appreciate it. You could be doing a zillion things and maybe you are. And I love that
1:50.7	you are taking me on the road with you or sitting in your office or wherever you are. I'm
1:56.7	always incredibly happy to be with you. If you love the show, please. It helps me so much if you
2:04.8	rate, review, and subscribe at Apple Podcasts. I want to say thank you to Carolyn from Alaska for
2:10.2	this five-star review episode on codependency. Thank you, Terry. You help me clarify the role I play
2:15.6	in the high-functioning codependency game. I've been working on
	...

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