80: The Deadliest Skambush of Them All (The Book of Judges)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 10 January 2021

⏱️ 114 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

CONTENT WARNING: The text covered in this episode contains a scene of sexual assault, discussed starting at 1:38:00.

Happy Gentile New Year, Theophiloi! Like Merle Haggard, we have made it through December, and we're treating ourselves to what is probably the rawest book in Bible — which unfortunately includes what Luke T. Harrington has called the most depraved passage in the whole book. What better to greet 2021 than with that sort of up-and-down rollercoaster ride of history? Samson! Jael! Gideon! Do you dare gaze into the fists of THESE Judges?

Topics of Discussion: Christmas presents from listeners, the difficulty of Medieval artists in depicting literally any animal, our new Discord server, the usefulness of thumbs, Jebus, worshipping the Baals, a truly humiliating death scene, the etymology of "cowpoke," the Bible scene that almost passes the Bechdel Test, Gideon, a sexy (???) fig tree, BNRA, the first Spring Break, the Texan Shibboleth, structural liontegrity.

Hymnal: "Pretty Savage" by BLACKPINK, "Gouge Away" by Jammin' on the Ivories (https://www.youtube.com/c/HipHopPiano/)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/stores/apocrypals?ref_id=18246

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 54:17.

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to Apocrypal's on the Greenlit Podcast Network. Make sure to check out all of our shows at greenlitpodcast.com.
0:07.8	Hey, everybody. Before we get started with the show this week, we did want to offer up a bit of a content warning here at the top.
0:14.6	There is a story that includes sexual assault covered in the book of judges. It is towards the end. So we did just want to
0:22.7	warn everybody that that was coming up. Feel free to skip this one and we'll see you down the road,
0:28.0	but we will let you know when we are getting towards that story. Thanks. Jail is most blessed
0:34.1	of women, the wife of Heber the Kenite. She is most blessed among tent-dwelling
0:38.5	women. He asked for water. She gave him milk. She brought him curdled milk in a majestic bowl.
0:44.3	She reached for a tent peg, her right hand, for a workman's mallet. Then she hammered Cicera.
0:50.5	She crushed his head. She shattered and pierced his temple. He collapsed. He fell. He lay down at her feet. He collapsed. He fell at her feet. Where he collapsed. There he fell dead.
1:03.2	The Book of Judges, Chapter 5, verses 24 through 27.
1:23.6	Hello, pretty girl. Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypal's.
1:26.5	This is a podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible and we try not to be jerks
1:29.2	about it.
1:29.6	Happy New Year.
1:30.8	Welcome to 2021.
1:32.4	We are your hosts.
1:34.2	My name is Chris Sims.
1:35.8	With me as always is the other set of footfriends, the other half of your humble sons of thunder.
1:41.3	Benito Serrano.
1:42.2	Benito, happy New Year.
1:43.3	Happy Gentile New Year to you.
1:46.5	In jail.
	...

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