79: Beyond "Yes": Breaking the Cycle of People-Pleasing as a Trauma Response with Matthias Barker

The Sabrina Zohar Show

Sabrina Zohar

Relationships, Mental Health, Education, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 5.5K Ratings

🗓️ 7 June 2024

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Sabrina sits down with Matthias Barker for a second time to dive into the detrimental effects of people-pleasing, a common trauma response where individuals regulate others to feel safe themselves. Unlike genuine empathy, people-pleasing stems from fear and often involves manipulation. Barker emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and confronting dysfunction rather than avoiding it, as true safety doesn't come from constant monitoring out of fear. He advises distinguishing between needs and anxiety, advocating for acceptance and mutual attunement in relationships. Personal experiences shared by both Sabrina and Barker highlight the necessity of building a solid relationship foundation, addressing big emotions, and helping partners express their needs authentically without resorting to people-pleasing behaviors. Want to work with Sabrina? HERE! Stuck After the Podcast? Master Implementation in 8 Weeks with Sabrina's Foundation Course Join the Make It Make Sense: Getting Through a Breakup course HERE! Get Ad-free episodes and 2 Bonus episodes a month HERE! Dont forget to follow Sabrina and The Sabrina Zohar Show on instagram and Sabrina on Tik tok! Video now available on YOUTUBE! Please support our sponsors! Go 20% off your first order and free shipping with Chomps HERE! Save $10 on your first purchase at StoryWorth HERE! Get 10% off your first month of Betterhelp HERE! Disclaimer: The Sabrina Zohar Show, formally known as Do The Work, is not affiliated with A.Z & associates LLC in any capacity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Do the Work Podcast.
0:06.2	My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host.
0:09.2	Hello friends, welcome back to another week. I am excited. We're talking about some
0:14.9	pretty important stuff today. We have a very special guest Matthias Parker who
0:18.7	is one of my favorite trauma therapist and specialist and he's just such an incredible human being and we have a really big chat today and today we are actually talking about people pleasing and being the cool girl or boy and not having needs, and trying so hard to just choose me, pick me,
0:36.2	and how detrimental that is to not only just dating relationships and experiences, but like life
0:41.8	in general friendships
0:43.0	relationships at work anything any interpersonal relationships
0:46.6	it's so detrimental because boundaries are just super fucking important
0:51.0	so I'm really excited today we go over all of that and of course some
0:54.1	housekeeping as always please don't forget to rate and review the show wherever you're
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1:21.7	super- super-fucking important so please don't forget.
1:23.6	And as always guys if you want ad free listening to every episode of Do the
1:27.2	work as well as two bonus episodes a month that you guys also get to
1:30.2	choose. It's Ask Me Anything, Me and Tech Guy go over all your questions that you guys write in and you get to choose. It's Ask Me Anything, Me and Tech Guy go over all your questions
	...

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