79: Beyond "Yes": Breaking the Cycle of People-Pleasing as a Trauma Response with Matthias Barker

The Sabrina Zohar Show

Mental Health, Education, Relationships, Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 4.8K Ratings

🗓️ 7 June 2024

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Sabrina sits down with Matthias Barker for a second time to dive into the detrimental effects of people-pleasing, a common trauma response where individuals regulate others to feel safe themselves. Unlike genuine empathy, people-pleasing stems from fear and often involves manipulation. Barker emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and confronting dysfunction rather than avoiding it, as true safety doesn't come from constant monitoring out of fear. He advises distinguishing between needs and anxiety, advocating for acceptance and mutual attunement in relationships. Personal experiences shared by both Sabrina and Barker highlight the necessity of building a solid relationship foundation, addressing big emotions, and helping partners express their needs authentically without resorting to people-pleasing behaviors.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of Do the Work Podcast.
0:06.2	My name is Sabrina Zohar and I am your host.
0:09.2	Hello friends, welcome back to another week. I am excited. We're talking about some
0:14.9	pretty important stuff today. We have a very special guest Matthias Parker who
0:18.7	is one of my favorite trauma therapist and specialist and he's just such an incredible human being and we have a really big chat today and today we are actually talking about people pleasing and being the cool girl or boy and not having needs, and trying so hard to just choose me, pick me,
0:36.2	and how detrimental that is to not only just dating relationships and experiences, but like life
0:41.8	in general friendships
0:43.0	relationships at work anything any interpersonal relationships
0:46.6	it's so detrimental because boundaries are just super fucking important
0:51.0	so I'm really excited today we go over all of that and of course some
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1:23.6	And as always guys if you want ad free listening to every episode of Do the
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1:30.2	choose. It's Ask Me Anything, Me and Tech Guy go over all your questions that you guys write in and you get to choose. It's Ask Me Anything, Me and Tech Guy go over all your questions
	...

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