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The Art of Charm

719: Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship | ToolBox

The Art of Charm

http://www.TheArtOfCharm.com

Business, Health & Fitness, Education

4.711K Ratings

🗓️ 4 September 2018

⏱️ 71 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, AJ and Johnny speak on the importance of “emotional bids,” and how to successfully identify and respond to them to create a deeper connection with the people around you. We start with a look at the clinical researcher, Dr. John Gottman and the study he conducted that helped define what an emotional bid is and why it is so important. Then, AJ and Johnny describe how we can positively or negatively respond to a whole array of emotional bids – and how that can make or break a relationship. We also learn how you don’t have to tell all of your deepest and darkest secrets to feel like someone truly understands you. WHAT TO LISTEN OUT FOR * What is the simplest way to show vulnerability to someone we’re trying to connect with? * Are emotional bids always easy to spot? * How can you be more actively present in your relationships? * In the moments after you put down your phone, are you truly disconnected from it? * What is “turning towards”, and how can you create more of these positive interactions in your life? * What is one of the most important ways to connect yourself to someone else’s emotional bid? NOTES ON DR. JOHN GOTTMAN By watching a couple interact for just 3 minutes, Dr. John Gottman could predict with up to 94 percent certainty whether the couple would eventually separate, remain unhappy, or continue as a happily couple for several years. AJ and Johnny share examples of their own lives to better understand how vital emotional bids are in connecting with others and in creating value in a relationship. A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS! Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards. Search free scholarships, browse course reviews, get 24/7 study help and rent textbooks for a fraction of the cost of your bookstore – all in one big education-redefining student hub. For $5 off your first month’s subscription, go to chegg.com/charm and use promo code CHARM Check out our bootcamp page to learn about the Art of Charm’s personal development training! The Art of Charm Bootcamp / theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp RESOURCES Dr. John Gottman’s 1999 study on couples www.gottman.com/about/research/couples/ KEEP UP WITH THE ART OF CHARM * The Art of Charm Challenge | theartofcharm.com/challenge * The Art of Charm Insiders | theartofcharm.com/insiders * The Art of Charm Bootcamp | theartofcharm.com/personal-bootcamp/ * Best of The Art of Charm Podcast | theartofcharm.com/category/best-of/ * The Art of Charm Toolbox | theartofcharm.com/category/toolbox-episodes SOCIAL MEDIA IG: @theartofcharm | Twitter: @TheArtOfCharm | Facebook: TheArtofCharm Wanna RUN A HALF MARATHON in a Halloween costume w/ AJ & Johnny? Register now at www.runrocknroll.com/los-angeles/ !! ENJOYING WHAT YOU HEAR? Your reviews are essential to us and for those discovering The Art of Charm. Go to theartofcharm.com/mobilereview to share your Art of Charm experience.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Hey, AJ, hey, AJ, hey, Johnny, just let me finish this tweet.

0:14.2

See, this is why you get in trouble with Amy all the time.

0:17.1

You're just not listening.

0:18.6

Welcome to the Art and Charred podcast.

0:20.3

I'm AJ.

0:21.3

And I'm Johnny and we're glad you joined us on our weekly podcast where we talk about

0:24.8

the ways you can improve your social skills, mental health, relationships and personal

0:29.4

growth.

0:30.4

For those of you that are new to us, you'll find that in each episode of the Art and Charm,

0:34.0

we strive to give you social skill, building tips and strategies to help make you feel

0:38.3

more connected and more confident in social situations.

0:41.9

And for those of you who've been listening for a while, well, we've made some changes.

0:45.2

Each month, we choose one theme and focus all of our episodes on that theme.

0:50.2

Last month was all about making the conversation more compelling.

0:53.7

This month, we're diving into something we're calling emotional bids and kicking it off

0:57.5

with a toolbox episode all about it.

1:00.3

Now basically an emotional bid is any attempt from one partner to another for attention,

1:05.6

approval and acceptance all about getting value from the other person.

1:10.2

Sort of like one person saying to another, hey, pay attention to me.

1:13.6

Yeah, I'm paying attention, Johnny.

1:16.2

What we're trying to do is cover that exact thing in this episode.

1:19.4

You're going to want to listen up because identifying emotional bid isn't always easy.

...

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