71: Approximate Week Chapter 3: Parabellum (The War Scroll)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 23 August 2020

⏱️ 89 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

If you seek birthdays, Theophiloi, prepare for war — the War Scroll, that is! As we celebrate the Approximate Week between our two personal nativities, we dive into the Dead Sea Scrolls for the first time to find out all about the best of seven series between the Sons of Light and the Sons of Darkness. Please note that these Sons of Light are not, like, half-angels or whatever, but they do write some extremely dope things on their swords.

Topics of Discussion: Hobby Lobby being duped into becoming a literal Indiana Jones villain, Zydeco: the music of the Saducees, Alexander the Great, trumpets of ambush, trumpets of skambush, the strange acronyms of Forged In Fire Knife Expert Doug Marcaida, eternal slaughter, Dwayne "Cephas" Johnson.

Hymnal: "Seven Nation Army" by the White Stripes, "Seven Nation Army" by the Hungarian Coverist ( https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkHR1ZZ1bsYNkFBv1qkjQ1A )

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals

Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Isaiah 1:17.

Transcript

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0:00.0	On the blade of the first dart, they shall write,
0:02.6	Flash of a Spear for the Strength of God.
0:05.0	On the second weapon, they shall write,
0:06.9	missiles of blood to fill the slain by the wrath of God.
0:10.1	On the third dart, they shall write,
0:11.8	the blade of a sword devours the slain of wickedness
0:14.3	by the judgment of God.
0:16.5	The War Scroll, column six, lines two through four.
0:32.1	Music The War Scroll, Column 6, lines 2 through 4. I'm gonna fight them all.
0:34.0	I said the nation army couldn't hold me back. They're gonna rip it off. Hello, everybody and welcome to the podcast where two nonbelievers read through the Bible and it's
0:51.8	associated texts, but we try not to be
0:54.3	jerks about it. My name is Chris Sims. With me as always is Benito Serrino and you there. Boy,
1:00.2	what week is it? Oh, it's approximate week. I haven't missed it. No, go out and get the turkey in the window.
1:10.4	It's going to be very difficult to find a turkey as big as you.
1:13.8	Yeah, it would have to, it would be a very large turkey.
1:17.0	Easier to find one as big as me.
1:19.6	Yeah.
1:20.3	More difficult to find one as big as you.
1:22.0	We could settle for one the size of a turkey, I think.
1:24.7	That's true.
1:25.3	Let's get a turkey size turkey.
1:28.2	Let's get a, let's get a medium turkey the size of a turkey, I think. That's true. Let's get a turkey-sized turkey. Let's get a medium turkey the size of a large turkey.
	...

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