It's impossible to overstate the importance of finding out what principles you want to live your life by and seeing how you can integrate those into your life.

Welcome to the art of charm. I'm Jordan Harbinger and I'm here with producer Jason to fill up on this episode. We're talking with Paul Gilmarten.

He's the host and producer of the mental illness happy hour podcast. Funny name for a really introspective and interesting podcast.

He's known for brutal honesty, authenticity and transparency. It's a bit outside our usual fear today, but this is informative.

None the less and an enjoyable well in its own way conversation will explore the ripple effect that a traumatic childhood can have on the life of an adult.

And what we might do to move forward from this and will discover the role that social intelligence and a code of ethics plays in guiding behavior that might otherwise be clouded by emotion.

There's a lot here. A lot of it is very personal to Paul and because of that is much more useful than generalities and sort of general self help tips and advice.

So enjoy this episode with Paul Gilmarten and of course we have the worksheets for today's episode in the show notes.

So you can make sure you solidify your understanding of the key takeaways here today. That link is in the show notes at the art of charm.com slash podcast.

Paul thanks for coming back on the show man and has been several years and I want to think we're a better place now.

Let's both tell ourselves that. Yes. I feel like it's really easy to look back on old work and say that was crap.

You're comedian. Do you do that to yourself all the time? I feel like I do that to myself all the time.

It's so painful sometimes to go back and listen to old shows. It kills me because I edit them. I have to do it.

I actually started coming up with a character in the podcast called mean DJ voice which was the voice in my head when I would be recording.

That was just shouting at me this is shit what are you doing this is awful nobody cares about this and so I started introducing the listeners to this voice in my head and almost everybody related because almost everybody has a mean DJ voice in their head.

The reason I call it mean DJ voices because he talks like he dropped the Quad Cities God you are terrible who's going to listen to this.

I think I have a negative voices here and there but it doesn't sound like a strip club DJ like yours does.

Yeah mine does and I don't know why where do those come from? Do we know?

One I think it comes from growing up in a critical household or where there wasn't enough attention and I think it comes from the belief that we can shame ourselves into becoming a better place.

Better person which is one of the biggest myths around I've never seen somebody beat themselves up into being a happy person.

That's an interesting point because I think a lot of us actually do that. I don't know if we're thinking if I beat myself up enough I'll be better.

I think we're only thinking short term right like well if I just focus harder focus Shelley focus right get it done.

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