Dumbass Tom Hayslip sent a horrifically edited video of just a baby. I mean, it's so bad. A family vacation. A family vacation like 12, 10 years ago. And I was like, done. And I'm on the toilet and I go, what the fuck is this? And I'm bawling on the toilet. And I was like, don't do that. Like, I don't need, I don't, you know what, I don't even remember. I think Alzheimer's is going to be great.

Not to remember any of the fucking great times I had. Canada, you are absolutely perfect this time of year. That's why I'm coming to the Great Outdoors Comedy Festival. Halifax, August 9th. Spokane, not technically Canada, but we'll say it is August 23rd. Calgary, August 24th, and Vancouver, September 12th. It's me, Whitney Cummings, Miss Pat, Forge and Feebster, and Derek Strupe. Get your tickets at burp, burt, burt, burt.com. I'll see you there. The permission to party world tour kicks off September 18th in Rockford, Illinois, the 19th in Milwaukee, the 20th in St. Paul, Minnesota, the 21st in Duluth, Minnesota, followed by Eugene Oregon, September 28th.

Avoid scalpers and go to bert, bert, bert, burt.com to get your lowest ticket price.

You know, when I got to Hollywood, I was like, your life would be the life I want to have.

Five kids?

Yeah, you, I was, I was making a joke.

I was making a joke today.

I was like, on paper, you read like a black guy.

You're like, Brian Austin Green, last name's green.

Yeah.

Five kids, three different women.

It's true.

That's what sucks is it is absolutely true.

How old's your oldest?

23?

Are you serious?

Jesus, you're younger. How old are you?

You're 52 this year. I'm 52. God damn.

July, 15th.

Is it? Right. It's, are you black guy who is?

Are you really, is it really your birthday? Oh, you just say that when people say their birthday.

I had a dream that I went on Kimmel last night and I went, uh, Are you really, is it really your birthday? Oh, you just say that when people say their birthday. Oh, it is.

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