68: Scent of a Jesus (The First, Second, and Third Apocryphal Apocalypses of John)
Apocrypals
Chris Sims
4.9 • 650 Ratings
🗓️ 12 July 2020
⏱️ 97 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Welcome to your Not-So-Dirty Thirties, Theophiloi! For as it is written, in the New Jerusalem, we will all be at the age where it's time to start thinking about getting an IRA, and realizing that we can't stay up drinking like we used to do... forever. This is one of the many strange things we learn in our set of three dubiously Johannine Apocalypses brought to us by New Testament Apocrypha Vol. 2, brought to us by translators Rick Brannan, Rebecca Draughon, Jeannie Sellick, Janet E. Spittler, Chance E. Bonar, Tony Burke, and Slavomir Čéplö. Join us as we learn about the church's many metaphorical body parts and witness a world-shattering kick from an angel. Plus: a truly wonderful etymology.
Topics of Discussion: (Heavy Sigh) the weather, JesusFAQS, a joke for the olds, our Obama-Era Bodies, concerns about Benjamin Harrison's corpse, candles (to smell), blue scents, seals (the boring kind), vegetable-based signs of Armageddon, a comprehensive physical description of the Antichrist, the Regulation of John, a large rock and a quick debate about terminal velocity, the Seven-Mouthed Pit of Punishment, Lord Fallsworth, Lord Fairfax, Righteous John and Just John, candles (to eat).
Hymnal: "River Deep, Mountain High" by Tina Turner, "Edge of Glory," by Jonatas Andrade (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCf7gfrO6HfG8d_Ti5fCrchA)
Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." Support the show via http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals, or check out Official Apocrypals merchandise designed by Erica Henderson! https://www.teepublic.com/user/apocrypals
Black Lives Matter. Trans Lives Matter. Heck 12. Amos 5:24.
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You're listening to Apocrapels on the Greenlit Podcast Network. |
| 0:03.9 | Check out all of our shows at greenlitpodcast.com. |
| 0:08.1 | And I heard a voice saying to me, |
| 0:10.0 | Listen, righteous John, the whole of humanity will rise in the form of 30-year-olds. |
| 0:15.3 | The first apocryphal apocalypse of John, chapter 10, verse 2. |
| 0:25.6 | And do I love in my own heart? Yeah, river deep in my heart again. |
| 0:32.6 | If I lost you, would I cry? |
| 0:36.6 | I love you, would I cry? |
| 0:43.5 | I love you, baby, baby, baby, baby. |
| 0:49.6 | Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocopal's. |
| 0:54.9 | This is the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible and its associated non-canonical works. |
| 0:56.8 | And we try not to be jerks about it. |
| 0:58.1 | My name is Chris Sims. |
| 1:01.6 | With me as always, the revelator, Benito. |
| 1:03.1 | Bito, how are you today? |
| 1:04.1 | Pretty good. |
| 1:08.3 | I've had the mysteries of the universe revealed to me. |
| 1:16.5 | I understand what the ambo of the church represents. |
| 1:18.6 | That's an important thing. |
| 1:18.9 | Yeah. |
| 1:20.7 | Did you know the church has knees? |
| 1:21.8 | It does. |
... |
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