What does that appear like? Welcome to AOC Dojo. It looks like they're ready to fight each other and if I say okay get closer it's like whoa everyone starts laughing.

Welcome to the Art of Charm. I'm Jordan Harbinger and today is a special toolbox episode of the Art of Charm podcast your favorites.

On this episode we're talking with AJ and Johnny head coaches over at the Art of Charm Boot Camps.

Today centers around the five fundamentals of a solid approach and what we mean by that is starting conversations for personal and professional reasons.

We'll talk about smiling. I know everyone thinks they can do this but there are different types of smiles they mean different things and for those of us guys and gals who write in about resting mean face.

This one is for you eye contact how to know what's too much or too little and some drills on how to improve enthusiasm and high energy this isn't about being over the top or fake.

And we'll explore some ways in which we can generate a better vibe during conversations and first impressions all this in a whole lot more on this AOC toolbox episode with AJ and Johnny.

Over here at the Art of Charm.

A lot of people get their first impressions going they heard the toolbox from last month they've got their nonverbal communication they've been working on they've been working on getting their diet and sleep together but now they're wondering okay how do I take maybe some initiative with the social interactions or maybe they find themselves.

Propping up the a poll street or the tapestries on the wall or holding down the fort in the corner and they want to learn how to take the initiative socially and become somebody who can really make the first move in an interaction so let's go over some of the fundamentals of a solid approach for people who really want to be more assertive when it comes to this sort of thing.

Yeah, I think one of the main reasons that people come to see us in LA and work with us and take our online courses is they want to learn how to approach people confidently right hope is not a strategy.

You're hoping that people are going to approach you and that's it you're going to be hurting when it comes to your social life your business life and your ability to spark interest in the opposite sex so we definitely want to understand how to approach people with confidence so that we can have those amazing conversations.

Yeah, in the last podcast we talked about getting your first impression so some things that you can take care of to get you ready to make this approach and now we have some simple steps that you can do to get this moving and then that way we can start correcting it.

I like to think of this as a checklist right these are just five easy check boxes for you to mentally click in your head as you walk up to someone so that you know you are taking that first impression to the next level and ultimately you're going to get that positive response when you do open your.

mouth now as we've talked about in previous shows we've gone over the conversation formula this dovetails with the conversation formula so that now your body language is sending the right signals and it starts with that smile we are such huge advocates of smiling because a lot of us have resting bitch face we are processing we are analytical and we close our face off to people we do not seem approachable when we are frowning when we are stoic when we have that poker face and also.

Growing up as children you learn how to maneuver socially by the other kids reaction to you and let's just say that perhaps you had a very introverted upbringing and I remember growing up you'd always see kids outside playing that isn't the case anymore they get interested in computers very early and though you may be on a chat board that is not.

Chipping away at how you should be acting socially because you can't see any responses you can't gauge I could certainly tell you some things on a chat board that I would never say to you face to face it's hard now it's more difficult thing just way society is developed.

On order for us to make our way through and make sure we're making that great approach I love the metaphor of when an airplane is landing what is the first thing that happens they deploy the wheels.

The wheels on your landing are going to be that smile it's the very first signal you want to send as you're walking over to someone to make sure that you appear open and ultimately comfortable right everyone wants to feel comfortable socially and if we can send the signal that we are ready feel comfortable socially they're going to be ready for that approach in the right way they're going to be looking forward to that conversation absolutely and you're trying to allow others around you to feel at ease you.

You need to lead it first rather than looking at everyone else to see where they are you need to go into it we're talking about a full face smile here not the smile I give to my dentist when he's about to clean my teeth right I want the wrinkles next to your eyes to form that person knows it's a genuine enjoyment that you're having and you're looking forward to the conversation you're going to have with them that's going to set the tone properly so that they receive you properly.

I think for a lot of people they think that they're going to worry about whether or not their smile seems forced or fake and I think the smizing exercise that we've talked about can really alleviate that but how do we practice that I mean I think a lot of people the idea of smiling at themselves in the mirror just seems really creepy.

Well we said it in the previous podcast how a lot of people do think that they're smiling until we do some video work and they find out that they're not or that our smile is engaging and it may come off a little bit intense so everyone has a mirror everyone has a computer nowadays you can videotape yourself on your phone practicing the smile and then age you have made a mention of breaking the chain right of so if you're building a new habit that you feel that every day you know what I worked on smiling today and I felt complete I could put it X there.

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