In this episode, we look at how to deal with heartbreak. 

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Written By: Sophie Sumpter https://www.instagram.com/sorosum/

The Problem

Heartbreak. It’s universal and may happen many times over the course of our lives, but that doesn’t stop it from being any less painful. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, the death of a beloved pet, a divorce or break up, or the end of a friendship, heartbreak is consistently, across the board, downright awful. It’s the dreadful catch-22 of human existence: getting to experience the beauty of love puts us at risk of experiencing great loss of this love. Heartbreak doesn’t get “easier.” There is no suit of armor that we can put on to protect us from it, but there are tools that we can implement to help us make it through the many tumultuous stages of grief -- tools that we can use to heal.

Digging Deeper

According to a 2010 study published in the Journal of Neurophysiology, the brain registers heartbreak similarly to how it registers physical pain (Fisher, 2010). This can be partly attributed to the different hormones that are released when we experience a heartbreaking event. When we love someone or something, our brain is flooded with those “feel good” hormones: dopamine and oxytocin (Queensland Gov, 2019). Instead, we experience higher levels of cortisol: the stress hormone. Cortisol is integral in the body’s fight or flight response, which is why we are more likely to experience negative physical side effects when we go through heartbreak such as appetite change, anxiety, nausea, acne, or rapid heart beat (Queensland, 2019). It’s as if your body is experiencing a shock to its core.

The Solution

Psychologist Guy Winch (2018) describes heartbreak not as a journey, but as a fight. This is especially true when experiencing romantic heartbreak. The Kubler-Ross model of the five stages of grief first highlights “denial” (Psycom, 2020). This is the stage in the break up where we attempt to fill in the blanks and make up scenarios in our head to explain why the break up happened. What did you miss? What could you have done differently? It may also be at this stage where some simply refuse to accept the reality for what it is. To begin your fight it is imperative that you accept the truth. What has happened is now over.