62: Oh, the Jews' Manatees! (The Book of Numbers)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 19 April 2020

⏱️ 98 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

One thing you have to say for the Book of Numbers, Theophiloi: it is exactly what it says in the title. Well, most of it is, anyway. Mixed in with all the census totals and step-by-step MapQuest directions to the Promised Land, though, is some truly wild stuff, including the return of one of our favorite Biblical tropes, the talking animal that no one seems to think is odd in the slightest. Join us, but make sure to brace yourself for a whole lot of skantent.

Topics of discussion: The Devil's Bible (Wizard Magazine), the Devil's Bible (Codex Gigas), horse_ebooks, "Petition Pit," Scholars and Clowns, the two wolves inside us, clown eggs, James O'Barr's The Crow, a large Jamie Madrox of frog, the P editor, a mysterious animal that is either a sea cow or a Lady Rainicorn, Nazarite vs. Nazarene, the Aaronic Benediction, the Lord's invention of ska, an extremely clutch joke made to my wife, Nachos Galacticos, something that is definitely not an idol, Mt. TERF, God just making a bunch of disembodied mouths and then going to bed, Ac***a Gr**e, some wild nasty idol worship in Peor, Rimmon-Perez, a home for Slayer.

Hymnal: "Let Me Ride That Donkey" by 69 Boyz, "Waterloo" by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45)

Offertory: As Enoch writes, "Whoever of you spends gold or silver for his brother's sake, he will receive ample treasure in the world to come." http://ko-fi.com/apocrypals

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	You're listening to Apocrypals on the Greenlit Podcast Network. Check out all of our shows at
0:05.4	greenlitpodcast.com. Then the Lord opened the donkey's mouth, and she asked,
0:13.2	Balam, what have I done to you that you have beaten me these three times? Belam answered the donkey.
0:18.2	You made me look like a fool. If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you now.
0:23.0	But the donkey said, am I not the donkey you've ridden all your life until today? Have I ever treated you this way before?
0:29.0	No, he replied. The book of numbers, chapter 22, verses 28 through 31.
0:37.2	Please, please, please. verses 28 through 31 Hello
0:37.7	Hello friends and neighbors
0:51.1	And welcome to Apocryphals
0:52.9	This is the show where two non-believers read through the Bible And we try not to be jerks about it Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocryphals.
0:57.9	This is the show where two nonbelievers read through the Bible, and we try not to be jerks about it.
1:01.7	And today, we're going to be reading The Book of Numbers.
1:02.8	My name is Chris Sims.
1:05.8	With me, as always, the other half of your ever humble Sons of Thunder.
1:07.0	Benito's right now.
1:07.9	Benito, how are you today?
1:15.3	Oh, slowly losing my mind. How has isolation been for you, Chris?
1:20.8	I was going to have to it was like for any particular reason or just everything. It's kind of gestures broadly towards the universe. Like I got to a point where like last night I was trying to sleep and I was just like
1:32.9	it feels like this this is it lying and trying trying and failing to sleep and I was just like it
1:39.9	it feels like everything has lost any sense of significance whatsoever.
1:46.1	It's very strange.
1:48.4	That's a great way to start our show.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Chris Sims, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Chris Sims and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.