613: Lumps, and the Men Who Have Them

Regular Features

Comedy

4.9 • 546 Ratings

🗓️ 16 January 2026

⏱️ 34 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

To listen to this podcast, you must solve a riddle: What goes on four feet in the morning, two feet at noon, and three feet in the evening? Stumped? The answer is that it is a dog who, just before 12pm, decides to pretend to be a human so that it can buy cigarettes. Later that day, it hardens one of the cigarettes with wax, and uses it as a crutch because its hind legs are so sore. Anyway, I've been the Sphinx, you've been great! This week: Joe has been freed from lump ambiguity. Log provides an insight into his bold medical future. Matt is here, and makes comments throughout.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Regular regular, regular, regular features, a regular regular features,
0:04.0	a regular regular features, a regular features are regular features a regular features
0:06.9	a show.
0:07.7	Good evening, my friends, and welcome to Regular Features, the podcast that is resolutely the same every week.
0:14.8	Guided by the constancy of our Lord, we strive to bring to you the most wholesome features every week through the power of our enduring friendship under God.
0:26.6	Amen.
0:28.7	Not really. Let's talk about dicky bum-bums.
0:32.7	Let's talk about bums.
0:34.9	Let's talk about lumps and sad our bodies bodies we're all getting old and a horrible
0:42.1	fudge in my bath that I climb into then enjoy it turn to stage number 346 where we'll all be singing
0:49.5	the feature thank god for fucking soundboards you save sure.
0:57.8	Thank God for fucking soundboards.
0:58.9	You saved my ass.
1:02.3	I was all out of road and ready to die.
1:05.6	I'd been queuing up a hymn joke for ages and you beat me to it.
1:07.6	But my finger was already on the button.
1:09.9	That's teamwork.
1:14.3	Hey boy. What have you got for us tonight, Joseph?
1:17.1	I'm going to keep you in suspense.
1:21.5	Am I or am I not dying of a lump in my neck?
1:23.6	Let's find out together.
1:26.9	I'm not going to ask you what you've got, Matt, because you just being here is enough.
	...

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