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The Art of Manliness

#611: How a Weekly Marriage Meeting Can Strengthen Your Relationship

The Art of Manliness

The Art of Manliness

Society & Culture, Education, Philosophy

4.714.5K Ratings

🗓️ 18 May 2020

⏱️ 37 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Several years ago, Kate and I implemented a practice that has helped strengthen our relationship. It's called a "marriage meeting," and we got the idea from my guest today. Her name is Marcia Naomi Berger, and she's a therapist and the author of Marriage Meetings: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You've Always Wanted. Marcia and I begin our discussion with how she developed the idea of marriage meetings and why couples can benefit from implementing this habit. We then unpack the four-part agenda of the marriage meeting, which includes showing appreciation, discussing household chores, planning for good times, and resolving big issues, and Marcia explains why you need to do the steps in that particular order. She then addresses the possible objection to meeting with one's spouse in a more structured way, and explains why the format of the marriage meeting is more effective than trying to discuss these things on the fly. She then provides tips and insights on how to execute each part of the marriage meeting, including the importance of being specific with your appreciation, following up on to-dos, and scheduling good times both as a couple and as individuals. Marcia then shares advice on what to do if you want to start the marriage meeting practice but your spouse doesn't, how your meetings can take as little as 15 minutes, and how best to communicate during the meeting so that each partner will feel good about keeping up this game-changing habit. Get the show notes at aom.is/marriagemeeting.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Burett McKay here and welcome to another edition of the Art of Manliness Podcast.

0:10.8

Several years ago, K9 implemented a practice that has helped strengthen our relationship.

0:14.3

It's called a marriage meeting.

0:15.3

We got the idea from my guest today.

0:16.9

Her name is Martian Ami Berger, just therapist and the author of Marriage Meetings.

0:20.1

30 minutes a week to the relationship you've always wanted.

0:22.6

Martian, I begin our discussion with how she developed the idea of marriage meetings and

0:25.5

why couples can benefit from implementing this habit.

0:28.0

She then unpacked the four part agenda of the marriage meeting which includes showing

0:30.9

appreciation, discussing household chores, planning for good times, and resolving big

0:35.0

issues.

0:36.0

Then Martian explains why you need to do the steps in that particular order.

0:39.2

She then addressed the possible objection to meeting with one spouse in a more structured

0:42.4

way, and explains why the form at the marriage meeting is more effective than trying to

0:45.7

discuss these things on the fly.

0:47.3

She then provides tips and insights on how to execute each part of the marriage meeting,

0:50.3

including the importance of being specific with your appreciation, following up on to

0:53.3

do's, and scheduling good times both as a couple and as individuals.

0:56.9

Martian then shares advice on what to do if you want to start the marriage meeting practice

1:00.1

but your spouse doesn't, how your meetings can take as little 15 minutes and how to best

1:04.0

communicate during the meeting so that each partner will feel good about keeping up this

1:07.1

game changing habit.

...

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