This is not like a laughing matter what I'm about to talk about.

But like, I'm just like, what, huh?

I've been feeling very worthless the past couple of weeks.

Like, I said it in my last podcast episode.

I was like, I can't fathom and I mean it.

I said, I can't fathom why you guys watch me and like why you guys care about me

and have continued to watch me for like the past four years.

And even with other social media stuff, but he takes up on Instagram, like I couldn't fathom

why people still watched me.

I don't even know why my videos do so well.

And I meant that when I said it.

And the past few weeks, I felt very, very worthless and like a scary way where I couldn't

see anything about myself that I liked. It did get pretty dark for a minute a couple of days ago.

Pull myself out of that fucking hole like I always do. But I had to go through it. Only way out is through. So it got like to a

scary point of feeling worthless where I was like heartbroken by how I couldn't see any value in

myself at all, genuinely.

And for me to be saying that is kind of nuts to me,

but I don't know how to structure this episode or how to talk about it.

So I'm just going to talk about what I've been feeling,

what's led me up to this point and then like the awareness that cracked through.

So with social media

and online fame and all that and my podcast, there's been this thing about me where I get no

...