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Apocrypals

60: Joses Crust (The Acts of Andrew and Matthias)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9650 Ratings

🗓️ 22 March 2020

⏱️ 76 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

We're all having an extremely normal time right now, Theophiloi, but it always pays to remember that it could be worse. You could, for example, be Andrew, first called to be a disciple of the Lord Jesus, who was then sent to do a bunch of murders and be tortured in the City of the Man-Eaters. Or you could be Matthias, about whom nothing is known other than that he had to pretend to think he was a cow for about a month. Listen in this week as your humble Sons of Thunder take a trip through a story so ridiculously buck wild that it officially has no historical or doctrinal value, won't you?

Topics of discussion: The Annunciation of Biscuit, a depression-based lifehack, the truth about St. Corona, the Darkness, Wolphin update, Spongeheart Deadpants, Truth or Consequences, secret miracles, the single dumbest audio joke I have ever done on the show, Sphex Therapy, The Great Satans Mike and Porter, 360 noscope prayer, apostolic crankiness.

Hymnal: "Maneater" by Hall & Oates, "S.O.S." by Stephen Mann of English Martyrs Church (https://www.youtube.com/user/Principal45).

Offertory: Want to ease Benito's anxiety about jostling the computer? The Lord loves a cheerful giver, so please help support the show via ko-fi.com/apocrypals

 

Transcript

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0:00.0

You're listening to Apocrypal's, a part of the Greenlit Podcast Network.

0:04.6

Check out all of our shows at greenlitpodcast.com.

0:08.1

By lot then, it fell to Matthias to set out to the country of the man-eaters.

0:12.8

And the men of that city used neither to eat bread nor drink wine.

0:16.4

But they ate the flesh of men and drank their blood.

0:19.1

Every man, therefore, who came into their city they laid hold of, and digging, they thrust

0:22.8

out his eyes and gave him a drug to drink, prepared by sorcery and magic, and from drinking

0:27.0

the drug his heart was altered, and his mind deranged.

0:31.9

The Acts of Andrew and Matthias. Hello, here for the beast is in the heart.

0:38.3

Oh, here she come.

0:45.3

Watch out, boy, she'll cheer you up.

0:48.4

Oh, here she come.

0:50.4

She's a man eater.

0:53.7

Oh, here she comes

0:55.0

Hello everybody

0:55.6

And welcome to Apocer Pals

0:57.2

It's the podcast

0:58.1

Where two nonbelievers read through the Bible

0:59.6

And we try not to be jerks about it

1:01.0

My name is Chris Sims

1:02.7

And with me as always is

1:04.0

Benito Serrino with the other set of footprints

...

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