All right, so the first one I had for this was,

stop investing in people who won't invest in you.

I just feel like this is another relationship lesson

that I had to learn the hard way.

I think most people have to learn the hard way,

which is if somebody is emotionally

unavailable or unwilling to be supportive or show up or give the time or energy or

value to your life why would you do that for them?

It's just an elaborate form of social torture for yourself.

I think what happens, when I look at my own life,

when I did this and when I talk to other people who are doing this I think what what happens is that it's very easy to

Treat an emotionally unavailable person as a status game so like let's say you're dating somebody and they kind of blow you off a lot or they're a little bit disrespectful. I think a lot of people look at that and they're like, well, if I could just be a little bit better I'll win them over and they

start treating it as like a competition almost so they start jumping through all these

hoops and playing these games and they're like, oh, well, maybe if I do this,

then they'll make the time for me and they'll respect me. And of course that doesn't change anything. And then it becomes something else. And so it kind of sucked into this status game with themselves,

where they start judging their own self worth

based on this emotionally unavailable person

who's probably not even thinking about them very much. It just creates this very ugly

toxic cycle and I think for some reason it's very difficult in those situations to realize

that the only correct action is to simply disengage.

Like if somebody is emotionally unavailable to you,

you should be unavailable to them.

...