Yeah, so I was in a sexless marriage for about 17 years.

The original call, I was trying to save that relationship because I have a now six-year-old

daughter during seven.

I was unsuccessful at that.

Divorce was just finalized.

The call centered around what I thought was love, I guess.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I don't know how to turn off the video.

There I found the button.

So, yeah, I spoke with you a year ago.

And what was revealing to me about that call was it originated in failing to

failing to resolve conflict in the marriage.

And I couldn't understand why me and my ex-wife are just fighting constantly and couldn't I was very frustrated

with her I was being abusive with her and I didn't understand why I was doing that and the call

pretty much illuminated you know mother issues essentially, essentially, never been love, never been

gaslit really about the definition of love for a very long time. And from that process,

I've been doing a lot of work trying to kind of undo that programming, which has led to where I am now, where I'm divorced,

I'm finding that I'm very depressed about it. I'm very depressed, general. I have a hard time

getting up and going to work. I kind of feel like I'm all over the place here.

And where,

it's like I have this kind of like sadistic bent where I like,

...