You are listening to the place we find ourselves podcast. I'm Adam Young, your host.

I'm sorry that this episode is coming out so late. My father went into hospice care two weeks ago and died within 36 hours.

I was at his bedside along with my brothers and sister-in-law when he died.

It was a holy time but grief can be complicated and push things like podcast episodes aside.

So that's why this episode is so late.

I'm also just getting over the flu and so my voice is far from high quality so you'll just have to bear with me.

Last time we talked about three of the primary symptoms of trauma.

And today I want to go into depth about the third symptom that someone with a history of trauma deals with.

If you have experienced trauma you likely have difficulty with the whole category of kindness.

Either receiving kindness from others or being kind to your own heart and body or likely both.

Now what do I mean by this? Well let me throw some questions out there.

What's it like for you when someone gives you a genuine compliment?

How do you respond to them? What is it like for you to be celebrated?

I mean how do you feel inside when someone throws a party to celebrate your birthday?

For my 35th birthday my wife gave me a present.

It was a rectangle and it looked like the box that a dress shirt might be in except it was heavier than a shirt.

A lot heavier. And as I began to open it I saw for the first time in my life the pristine Apple computer product packaging.

It was a 15 inch MacBook Pro. I had only been a Windows user up until that day.

And when I realized what was in this box something in my body recoiled.

I mean literally I my body went back into the couch that I was sitting in.

I couldn't receive it.

I pushed the box away from me and closed my eyes and said no I don't think so.

...