574 | Top Five Regrets of the Dying (Book Club with Frank Vasquez and Ginger)

ChooseFI | Financial Independence Podcast

Jonathan Mendonsa & Brad Barrett | Choose FI Media, Inc

Careers, Business, Investing

4.8 • 5.2K Ratings

🗓️ 24 November 2025

⏱️ 78 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

You don't become wiser by studying what worked — you become wiser by studying what failed. Most people chase happiness by asking "What should I do?" but Bronnie Ware flipped the question: she asked the dying what they wished they had done. Ginger and Frank Vasquez walk through Ware's The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, a book that captures the raw confessions of people at life's final turn. The regrets aren't about money or career failures — they're about courage, authenticity, and relationships. The episode applies Charlie Munger's inversion technique: instead of planning the perfect life, identify what leads to a life of regret, then do the opposite. Understanding Regret (00:00:00) Regret is both a diagnostic tool and a prevention strategy. It helps us reconcile past decisions and signals what to avoid in the future. By examining common regrets, we can optimize for fulfillment rather than reaction. Charlie Munger's Inversion Strategy (00:01:15) Instead of asking "What makes a good life?" ask "What makes a bad life?" Clarity often comes from identifying failure points first. Bronnie Ware's Book (00:02:01) The Top Five Regrets of the Dying draws from Ware's experience as a palliative care nurse. Reflecting on these regrets shifts decision-making from hypothetical to urgent. First Regret: Living Authentically (00:12:32) "Live a life true to yourself, not bound by others' expectations." The most common regret is not having the courage to live according to personal values. Societal expectations and fear of judgment suppress self-expression, leading to a life of compromise. Rekindle Childhood Passions (00:16:30) Passions set aside for practicality or approval resurface as regrets. Identifying and reviving these interests reconnects you to an authentic self. Second Regret: Expressing Feelings (00:20:52) Suppressing emotions damages relationships and inner peace. Vulnerability strengthens connection, but many people avoid it until it's too late. Third & Fourth Regret: Maintaining Friendships (00:22:54) "Cherish the importance of relationships in your life." Life's busyness erodes friendships. Staying connected requires intentional effort, especially as routines and geography shift. Building Friendships from Acquaintances (00:28:04) Start with shared interests. Small, consistent interactions compound into meaningful bonds. Fifth Regret: Allowing Happiness (01:40:22) "Don't let future focus cause you to miss the present." Many people defer happiness, waiting for the "right" conditions. Barriers to joy are often self-imposed patterns and beliefs. Choose Relationships Over Rigid Plans (00:42:25) Overemphasis on financial optimization can sacrifice present connection. A perfect plan is meaningless if it isolates you from what matters. Conclusion (01:04:19) "Choose courage over complaint." Authentic living requires ongoing courage — to express feelings, maintain relationships, and prioritize joy. Reflect on what truly matters, then act accordingly. Key Chapters Introduction to Regrets (00:00:00) Importance of Courage and Authenticity (00:12:32) Discussion on the Five Regrets (00:20:45) Maintaining Relationships (00:24:30) Embracing Happiness (00:40:22) Conclusion and Action Points (01:05:10) Related Resources Risk Parity Radio Podcast

Transcript

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0:00.0	Before we get started, I keep this podcast entirely ad-free for two reasons. First, this is a five
0:16.5	podcasts and I don't want to promote products that I don't want you to buy in the first place.
0:20.6	And second, I really like the clean listening experience of a show where you don't want to promote products that I don't want you to buy in the first place. And second, I really like the clean listening experience of a show where you don't have to fast forward ads.
0:26.2	To keep it ad-free, all I ask of you as a listener is the next time you open a travel rewards credit card,
0:31.6	go to choosefI.com slash cards.
0:34.6	And with that, onto the show.
0:38.2	Hey, everyone, it's Ginger, and I am here today with Frank Vasquez of Risk Parity Radio.
0:44.5	And we are here to talk about death. Or more specifically, we're going to talk about regret today.
0:51.8	And I think regret is interesting for this community and for all humans for a
0:57.4	couple reasons, right? One is, it's a way for us to understand our lives, right? It helps us to say,
1:04.3	here's why I feel this way. I did something and I should have done something else. And understanding that story helps me to reconcile my feelings that I have now.
1:15.2	But of course, we can also understand regret kind of on the back end to say, what do I want to do now so that I can ensure I'll have more positive feelings in the future that I won't experience that regret. And I suppose
1:28.8	that's a little bit why we would talk about that in this community, right? Because we're all about
1:33.8	how can we optimize our lives? How can we live good lives? And part of that is, can I avoid the big regrets?
1:41.9	Yeah. And what this is really an example of is what Charlie Munger talks about
1:47.1	if you want to really understand a question. What you should do is invert the question. And often that's
1:53.4	the easier way to get to good answers. So instead of asking what would be a good life or what would make me happy, let's talk about
2:03.8	what would be a bad life or what would I regret or what would make me unhappy. And oftentimes
2:09.8	that is a much easier way to focus on if we just get rid of some of these things or get rid of
2:17.0	some of these regrets, then it will
2:20.1	elevate us to a higher level just by getting rid of the regrets, even if we don't have a clue
2:27.0	as to what else is going to make us happy. Yeah, that makes sense. So for instance, if my question is,
	...

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