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Happiness Podcast

#564 Stop the Cycle: Why Hurting Them Back Only Hurts You (And How to Choose Calm)

Happiness Podcast

Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D.

Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.5 • 955 Ratings

🗓️ 5 December 2025

⏱️ 16 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This talk explores the critical difference between being hurt by someone else's unkindness and choosing to react with cruelty. We challenge the notion that "hurting back" is justifiable, arguing that such an action makes us the unkind person we claim to hate in others. Learn how to choose calm and break the cycle by taking responsibility for your own emotional response.

New Episode of the Happiness Podcast with Dr. Robert Puff, Ph.D.

🎧 Listen now at https://www.HappinessPodcast.org

Do you want to live a peaceful, happy life? Are you struggling with anxiety or depression? Or are you simply ready to take the next step toward your full potential?

Join Dr. Robert Puff, a licensed clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience, on the Happiness Podcast. With over 20 million downloads, the podcast explores the specific actions you can take to create lasting happiness.

A licensed psychologist in Newport Beach, California and author of 15 books, Dr. Puff has spent decades studying human achievement and sharing what he's learned. He wants to help you learn the steps you need to take to soar in your own life.

His blog for Psychology Today has captivated nearly 3 million readers, establishing him as a leading thinker in mental wellness.

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Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Welcome to the Happiness Podcast. I'm Dr. Robert Puff. How many times in a month, a week,

0:09.0

or even a day is someone incredibly rude and offensive to you? We've all been there. A cutting remark,

0:18.8

an unfair accusation, or a moment you felt someone intentionally hurt you.

0:24.8

I was driving a couple days ago with my daughter on a fairly busy four-lane street.

0:30.0

There weren't any lights, but there were businesses with driveways that people had to come in and out of.

0:35.9

And sometimes when they entered the street, they had to cross it

0:38.6

because they were going the opposite direction on the side they were on. But we were driving along

0:43.3

about 35 miles per hour, and that was the legal speed limit. And the man decided he was going to cross

0:48.9

in front of us to get on the opposite side of the street. He wasn't doing anything wrong,

0:53.3

but what he didn't do is he

0:54.8

didn't cross the street. I think he got afraid, seeing the cars coming from the other way,

0:59.3

even though there was a center divider he could have pulled into, and he stopped right in the

1:03.9

middle of a very busy street with lots of cars coming at him. While I was the first car in this

1:09.2

cavalcade of cars coming at him, and I stopped in ample time, but I think it scared him. While I was the first car in this cavalcade of cars coming at him, and I stopped

1:12.1

in Apple Time, but I think it scared him because he got so mad. My windows were up, I'm glad to say,

1:19.2

so I couldn't hear what he was saying, but clearly he was infuriated at me. I do think I scared

1:25.3

him. Well, we all scared him because a whole lot of cars were coming right at him.

1:28.9

And I'm pretty sure he wasn't following road etiquette when he pulled out on a very busy street

1:34.2

and decided to stop in the middle of the street as cars are coming at him 35 miles per hour.

1:39.4

And instead of just telling me off and moving on, he actually sat there for about a minute before he moved on,

1:45.9

and the whole time he was scowling at me. And the line behind me was getting pretty long,

1:50.7

because we all had to wait for him as he was vending his anger at me. Now, what would you do in this

...

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