55: The Parable of the Sexy Blood Baby (The Book of Ezekiel, Part One)

Apocrypals

Chris Sims

Comedy, History

4.9 • 650 Ratings

🗓️ 12 January 2020

⏱️ 94 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Let me ask you a question, Theophiloi: why prophets so nasty? In this episode, we put our treasured No Cusses rule in the greatest danger as we dive into the violent and upsettingly horny visions of Ezekiel, last of the major prophets. This absolute scroll-eating mad lad has a whole list of unsavory activities and breads that he wants to tell you about in detail. Don't listen to this one with your mom.

Topics of discussion: The Greenlit Podcast Network, Aquaman: King of the Party Animals, physical descriptions of the Lord, Bible Arepas, the secret ingredient of Ezekiel Bread, Jaazaniah, Son of Shaphan, magic bands, beebos.

Hymnal: "Miserlou" by Dick Dale

Offertory: If you have been given riches, wealth, and honor so that you lack nothing of all you desire for yourself, let a stranger enjoy them via ko-fi.com/apocrypals.

Transcript

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0:00.0	You're listening to Apocopal's part of the Greenlit Podcast Network.
0:03.8	Check out all of our shows at greenlitpodcast.com.
0:07.9	I will execute great vengeance against them with furious rebukes.
0:12.8	They will know that I am Yahweh when I take my vengeance on them.
0:17.2	The Book of Ezekiel, chapter 25, verse 17.
0:20.8	Music The Book of Ezekiel, chapter 25, verse 17.
0:37.4	Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocopalus.
0:38.0	It's the podcast where two nonbelievers read through the Bible and we try not to be jerks about it.
0:41.9	And we are back for 2020 or 5780, which it has been for quite a while.
0:47.9	My name is Chris Sims.
0:48.8	With me as always is the other half of your humble Sons of Thunder.
0:52.1	Benito Sereno.
0:52.8	Benito, Happy New Year.
0:55.9	Happy New Year to you. Benito Sereno. Benito, happy new year. Happy new year to you.
0:57.2	In jail.
1:08.6	Love it. Love it. Yeah. Thank you. I'm like, oh, I hope he says happy new year to me at the top of the show because I had that one in the chamber. I also like that you were like, I hope he says Happy New Year to me at the top of the show, because I had that one in the chamber.
1:11.8	I also like that you were like, I hope he says Happy New Year to me, not out of a sense of
1:18.3	friendship and camaraderie and wishes for good times, but so that I can make this joke.
1:23.7	I mean, we've already said Happy New Year to each other, like at the New Year.
1:29.0	I ran into this same thing with Matt.
1:31.4	We have to do it where the people can hear it.
1:33.9	Otherwise, they think we're not friends.
	...

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