There was kind of this hot trend of making this list of all of the qualities of your dream person to try to like attract that to yourself or whatever.

And I remember going to this talk once where the person was basically making the argument of, yeah, we go about making these lists of what we want our partner to be like, but we don't stop and think, who is the me that I want to be, that that person would want to be with.

I think that even not thinking about it quite so transactionally, I love the idea of just focusing on like, but who do I want to be?

Because if I'm living that more clearly, or at least closer to what I want, then there's kind of less pressure on how to be because if I'm living that more clearly or at least closer to what I want, then

there's kind of less pressure on having those other relationships be a certain way or fill a certain

part. And I would argue you would end up attracting more of what you want because you're able to

more clearly live your values instead of just reacting to things coming in externally.

Welcome to the Multiamary Podcast. I'm Jace. I'm Emily and I'm Dedeker. We believe in looking

to the future of relationships, not maintaining the status quo of the past. Whether you're monogamous, polyamorous, swinging, casually dating,

or if you just do relationships differently, we see you, and we're here for you.

Fongs, I know I did.

Forcing me to form myself. on this on this episode of

me to form myself to fit.

On this episode of the Multi-Amory podcast, we're talking about making agreements with yourself

instead of just making agreements with a partner.

You might be feeling trapped or suffocated by agreements that you made with a partner,

or you might be feeling frustrated by agreements that aren't working or are constantly being renegotiated,

or maybe you're just exhausted from conflict around broken agreements.

Lots of non-monogamy advice centers around making agreements with partners, including

this show sometimes.

But today we're going to look at how shifting your perspective to focus on self-agreements

can transform your relationship dynamics, reduce conflict and blame, and increase your

...