509: Beak Wizard

Regular Features

Comedy

4.9 • 546 Ratings

🗓️ 18 November 2022

⏱️ 50 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Here's the church, here's the steeple, open the door, but where's the people? Church attendance has been in decline for decades. Among people aged between 18 and 24, the incidence of religious affiliation is only 30.7%. If it were to drop below 30%, a special alarm will go off inside the Pope's hat, and he'll take off his hat and there'll be a special golden telephone under there, ringing. He'll pick it up. "Hello, Pope speaking." He'll hold his hand over the receiver and mouth the words "it's god" to a cloister of bishops while waving his hand in a shoo-ing motion. The rest is between him and the big guy. That bit's above our paygrade. In this one, Steve accidentally rents a cape. And Joe takes us to Beak Street, a commercial hub for high-flying bird fashion. Well, what are you waiting for? Listen it up. "The Forest and the Trees" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

Transcript

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0:00.0	Regular, regular, regular features, and regular, regular features,
0:04.0	a regular, regular features are show.
0:08.1	Hello, and welcome to the Regular Features Podcast.
0:10.6	It's the podcast that's the same every week.
0:13.7	Like every week, I am featureless and therefore burdened with the task of introducing
0:18.6	the two boys who have bothered to create some content for you this evening.
0:24.4	On my left, your right, everyone's underneath.
0:27.4	It's Steve Huggarty.
0:29.2	Please introduce yourself, Steve.
0:31.4	Steve Hogarty, love you to meet you.
0:34.3	Thank you.
0:34.8	And what have you got to put us tonight, Stephen?
0:37.3	I've got a feature about a cape that I got. And I'm not going to say it was a cursed cape,
0:42.6	but it was certainly imbued with magical properties that turned against me in ill ways.
0:48.1	That sounds well spooky.
0:51.5	And on the other side of town, we've got a Joe Scrabbles.
0:55.6	Say hello in the way that you love to say it, Joe.
0:59.8	Oh, he's adorable.
1:01.9	He can barely get it out, but it hurts.
1:04.0	On Dayleave from the Tower of London, it's Joe Screve.
1:08.1	That is the sound of a common raven saying hello to its podcast listeners.
1:15.5	Well, the way he interrupted me was quite common, yes.
	...

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