507. Coaching Hotline: Why Feedback Sends You Into a Shame Spiral
UnF*ck Your Brain: Feminist Self-Help for Everyone
Kara Loewentheil
4.6 • 5.6K Ratings
🗓️ 7 July 2026
⏱️ 4 minutes
🔗️ Recording | Apple Podcasts | RSS
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Summary
Does receiving feedback make you spiral into shame, anxiety, or self-doubt? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener who struggles to separate her self-worth from professional critique. You'll hear why those intense feelings are actually avoided emotions showing up, how your brain prioritizes short-term discomfort over thoughtful response, and why trying to get through the feelings quickly keeps you stuck.
Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://schoolofnewfeministthought.com/507
Watch episodes over on YouTube: youtube.com/@karaloewentheilcoaching
Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Welcome to Un-Fuck Your Brain. I'm your host, Kara Lowenthal, master-certified coach, and founder of the School of New Feminist Thought. I'm here to help you turn down your anxiety, turn up your confidence, and create a life on your own terms, one that you're truly excited to live. Let's go. |
| 0:24.3 | Welcome to this week's coaching hotline episode where I answer real questions from real |
| 0:30.4 | listeners and coach you from afar. If you want to submit your question for consideration, |
| 0:35.1 | go to unfuckyour your brain.com forward slash |
| 0:39.0 | coaching hotline, all one word, or text your email to plus one 347-997-1784. And when you get |
| 0:48.2 | prompted for the code word, it's coaching hotline, all one word. Let's get into this week's questions. |
| 0:56.4 | Here's our listener question. |
| 1:01.5 | I always thought of myself as a confident person, but since I started doing this work, I've realized I attached myself worth entirely to my professional achievements. Any slightly critical |
| 1:05.9 | feedback sends me into intense anxiety and shame. I'm learning to play thought work, but the |
| 1:10.7 | feelings are still so |
| 1:11.7 | intense. Do you have any thoughts on how to get there faster? This is a great question, and it's very |
| 1:17.5 | common when we start trying to do thought work, ironically, what we really experience is feelings that |
| 1:22.6 | we have been avoiding or just trying to grit our teeth through and not deal with. And the truth is that the |
| 1:30.0 | speed at which we can change our thinking is directly proportional to our willingness to |
| 1:35.2 | experience our feelings. So when this question asker says, the feelings are so intense, |
| 1:40.4 | how can I get there faster? It tells me that she wants to get through these feelings. |
| 1:45.6 | She does not want to have the feelings. She wants them to go away as soon as possible. And like, |
| 1:49.7 | sister, I empathize. I felt that way too. But the truth is that when we are in a race to get away |
| 1:56.7 | from a feeling in our own body, we are actually not able to change our thinking. In order to change |
| 2:02.2 | your thinking, you need to be able to activate or really to access your prefrontal cortex. It's a part of your |
| 2:07.6 | brain that can learn new things and among other things. When we are reacting to our own feelings like |
| 2:13.2 | they're a danger, we are creating nervous system activation. And then our prefrontal cortex gets |
... |
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