#504 - Re: Hell, Quezzies and The Cancellation Tapes
Elis James and John Robins
Significant Productions
4.8 • 6.7K Ratings
🗓️ 9 January 2026
⏱️ 56 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
2026 is a big year for Johnny JR as he sets his sights on winning the London Marathon. And with Dave lacing up his cheating shoes to pound the P of London’s streets as well, the team have quezzies.
Luckily today’s episode features a man who is more than capable of answering said quezzies: friend of the show and running guru Ben Parkes. It’s his job to help John hack the London Marathon. Godspeed Ben.
But fear not, it’s not all running chat. Elis has been on the TV, John is (like Meatloaf) out of hell, and there’s a cornucopia of call centre celeb stories to read.
Keep your ears peeled for some fine Mad Daddery featuring ancient ONS maps, and the team imagine how John would fare on I’m A Celebrity.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | BBC Sounds, Music, Radio Podcasts. |
| 0:05.7 | Hello, you're about to listen to a BBC podcast, and I'm Ed Gamble, host of another BBC podcast, The Traitors Uncloaked. |
| 0:12.7 | But my show is available only on BBC Sounds, just like Ellis and John's Saturday bonus episodes, |
| 0:18.2 | The Pop Top Ten podcast with Scott Mills and Rylan, and comedy specials |
| 0:22.2 | from the likes of Harriet Kemsley, Susie Ruffle and Rommashranganathan. |
| 0:25.9 | However, and maybe I'm biased, it's really all about the traitors uncoaked. |
| 0:30.3 | So for a whole bunch of exclusive scoops and podcasts, listen only on BBC Sounds. |
| 1:00.8 | Thank you. Listen only on BBC Sounds. Hello, thank you very much for downloading Ellis, James and John Robbins. |
| 1:03.4 | Sorry, I just, can I start again? |
| 1:05.6 | I hope something went done my throat. No, this is real. |
| 1:08.5 | Hello, thank you for downloading Alice and John. |
| 2:04.2 | How were the two of you? Good, thanks. I'm extremely excited because I've been on the telly. You have been on the telly? I've been on the telly. I went to watch the swans play Millwall on Sunday. And yes, I was in the front row of the away end. And yes, every time my goalkeeper made a save, I was on the telly. So I'm actually feeling pretty good about myself now, Dave. And then you were actually on the news when you tore the seat off its, off its fixtures and threw it at the home fans. Yeah, but you can't tell that's me. Oh, because of the balaclava. Yeah, yeah, because of the balaclava. and, you know, I had gone in disguise. I'm willing to accept that. And the guy you threw the firework onto the pitch, you were in the back of that shot. Yes, but that wasn't me. No. That was amazingly filmed from traitors, who was actually at the game, because she was a big Swansea fun. Yeah, she was in the way. Is traitors on in the minute, though? Yes. Hang on. |
| 2:19.2 | The ultimate deception. Oh dear. She's both at football and on the traitors. Yeah, it does make very much sense, is it? Hmm. Yeah, but they're not always at the castle. They've got time to do leisurely activities, I imagine, in between... Where is the castle, isn't it? Scotland. Scotland. I mean, that's a big old fair play to her. |
| 3:26.1 | She's come down from the castle to do Millwall away. Yeah. And she was there. I've seen a picture of her with a swan scarf in the away end. No, but the castle's done. But she's actually a Millwall fan. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a mega triple, quadruple bluff. Yeah, but you've worked in CVLS. You are aware that Traders was filmed four months ago. What? She's not come down for the castle. Oh, right, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I've worked in telling loads. Yeah, me too. Yeah, yeah, and that makes sense to me. Because the weather's quite nice. If you're watching the series, you can tell it's not live. All right, then, Sherlock Holmes. I thought it was happening live. No. Okay, well, let's take it all the fun out of it. Yeah, any other joy you want to just burst, Dave? Do you want to burst any more joy? No. I would have, like, some, said there. Yeah, he wins, but I can't remember any of the names there in it to say that they win. No. I was, I was, I would have liked to have said there. Yeah, he wins, but I can't remember any of the names there in it to say that they win. No, I'm, I mean, I've only seen one episode so far, and I'm more excited that Fiona is a Swansea City fan, to be honest. Yeah. That sort of piqued my interest. But, anyway, how are you, John? Fresh out of hell. Oh, good. Yeah. Congrats. Back on the vapes, you mean. Yeah, meat, I'm like meatloaf. I'm back out of hell. |
| 3:31.3 | Okay, that's good. On a big Harley Davidson. Oh, yeah. With a leather jacket and there's |
| 3:36.4 | bats and skulls, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So thank you to everyone who sent very kind messages to me about being in hell. |
| 3:45.3 | And some negative ones. |
| 3:46.9 | Oh, God, yeah. |
| 3:48.1 | I didn't see many. |
| 3:50.3 | But it was very, very kind. |
| 3:52.9 | And a lot to think on re-hell. |
| 3:57.6 | How did you get the correspondence? |
... |
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