This is NPR's Life Kit. I'm Lauren McGacky. When you start dating a new person,

there's a lot of questions to throw out there. Are we exclusive? Do you want to

meet my parents? And then there are those questions you ask yourself. How vulnerable

should I be? Am I talking too much about my ex? And contrary to what Ms. Manners

might say, we should also be asking questions about money because money is in

everything. Something as small as splitting the check to taking our first

vacation together to ultimately building a life together. And all of that

requires something called financial intimacy. In this episode of Life Kit,

we're going to hear from financial therapists Amanda Clayman. She counsels

individuals and couples on issues relating to money. And she says, money problems

are never just about money. Money shows up in our lives every step of the way as

something that appears on the surface like a problem to be solved, but usually

it reveals something deeper about something in our life that needs to change

grow or shift. Clayman's been a financial therapist for over 16 years. Money, she

says, is more than just a spreadsheet issue. I often joke with clients that money

is, in many cases, a feeling problem, masquerading as a thinking problem. Most of

the kind of practical problems that people are having, the pain that we feel

is emotional pain. And so what we need to do to solve the problem involves as

much speaking to that pain as it does looking at the numbers. She says that

couples often come to her at transition points in their lives. A job change, a

new living situation, and she helps them see how a financial crisis can actually

be an invitation to learn more about each other and get closer. I see couples

...