You're listening to On attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience

relationships and where you'll gain the guidance, knowledge and practical tools to

overcome insecurity and build healthy thriving relationships. I'm your

host, relationship coach Stephanie Rigg and I'm really glad you're here.

Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment. In today's's episode I'm going to be giving you five

similarities between anxiously attached people and avoidantly attached people. Now obviously there's a lot of talk around the ways in which people with

these attachment styles differ and that's certainly true and valid. There are

lots of differences in how their insecurity show up but today I wanted to offer you

a counterpoint or another way of looking at those behaviors and the ways that they can

manifest in relationships so that you can maybe have a different perspective on the ways in which you are similar or where you might have similar fears, similar struggles and challenges when it comes to relationships.

And as always I'm offering that to you in the hope that it can help you to cultivate greater

curiosity and compassion towards both

yourself and your partner or other people in your life who, you know, in the

absence of that viewpoint you might be inclined to judge them or

become frustrated with them or critical of them because of the ways in which

their behavioral patterns might differ from yours and how that might be frustrating or hurtful to you.

I think that as always, you know, if you're familiar with my work, if you've been following me for some time,

you'll know that I always stress the importance of understanding that our systems are just trying to keep us safe.

And that's really the number one imperative of our systems when it comes to relationships or really anything else is to keep us safe to protect us from harm and so when we have all these

fears that are deeply entrenched and embedded in our systems, then that harm can look like different things for different people.

And, you know, no matter what it is or what it looks like, usually these patterns and behaviors can be traced back to a part of us trying to keep us safe

from a perceived threat or danger. So while that's not an excuse for bad behavior, it does provide context that allows us to turn

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