#5: 5 Traits of the Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style

On Attachment

Stephanie Rigg

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Education, Relationships

5 • 1K Ratings

🗓️ 29 April 2022

⏱️ 19 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode, we're exploring 5 traits of the lesser-known fearful avoidant (or disorganised) attachment style. We'll cover the fearful avoidant's conflict between wanting intimacy but also fearing it, their combination of anxious and avoidant behaviours, their difficulty trusting others and fear of betrayal, their high levels of emotional attunement, and their struggles with self-sabotage, guilt and shame. Click here to join the waitlist for my signature program, Healing Anxious Attachme...

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to On Attachment, a place to learn about how attachment shapes the way we experience dating, love and relationships.
0:12.2	I'm your host, relationship coach and attachment expert, Stephanie Rigg, and I'm really glad you're here.
0:28.7	Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of On Attachment.
0:34.7	Today we're going to be talking about five traits of the fearful avoidant attachment style.
0:41.3	So we've been through the dismissive avoidant attachment style and the anxious attachment style. And today we're going to explore the lesser known fearful avoidant attachment style,
0:47.8	which is also known as disorganized attachment. And I get a lot of questions. Often when I'm speaking on Instagram or creating
0:58.5	reels where I contrast anxious and avoidant attachment. And I get so many people asking me,
1:05.5	how is it possible that I'm both? How is it possible that both of these things resonate with me, these anxious
1:12.1	tendencies and these avoidant tendencies? And I'm always quick to reassure them that they're
1:17.8	not, they're not crazy, they're not broken, they're not alone. And there's a word for that.
1:25.1	And that is really the experience of fearful avoidant attachment. So before I dive
1:33.0	into the five traits, I just want to contextualize this a little. And particularly with respect to
1:38.5	this concept of it being described as disorganized attachment and where that comes from.
1:43.9	And the way that I find that most
1:45.7	useful to conceptualize is that whereas anxious and dismissive avoidant and secure attachment styles,
1:54.4	those people know how to get their needs met, right? In the case of anxious attachment or dismissive avoidant
2:03.0	attachment, it may not be healthy necessarily, but at least those people have clear
2:10.4	strategies that they know they can turn to. For example, the anxious person, it's like,
2:15.4	okay, I'm feeling triggered by the distance between my partner and I.
2:20.2	What do I do when I'm feeling triggered?
2:22.3	Maybe I call them or maybe I, you know, display protest behaviors where I cause a fight or something,
2:31.2	but I do something to get attention to get reconnection to get my needs met.
	...

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