5.28.26, Vending Machine of Butt Wipes

Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Audacy

Comedy

4.9 • 1.7K Ratings

🗓️ 28 May 2026

⏱️ 121 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Chris Hansen is BACK! Where's the best hamburger? Lazlo tries to get SlimFast in on his vending machine business. A woman with no hand was ticketed for using a phone while driving, and Kansas City placed dead last in cities ready for the big soccer tournament coming up. Lazlo' s a big porn advocate. Pastors have two words of advice: Find God, and lose at least 20 to 30 lbs. Stream The Church of Lazlo podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts!

Transcript

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0:00.0	The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.
0:11.0	Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness.
0:18.0	For he is truly his brother's keeper and finder of lost children and I will
0:24.5	strike down upon me with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to
0:31.2	poison and destroy my brothers and you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon me.
0:41.8	Ladies and gentlemen, the Church of Laslow has begun.
0:47.0	Yo!
0:47.5	Yo!
0:49.2	You good?
0:50.1	I'm good, are you?
0:51.3	Yeah, no problems.
0:52.3	How's life?
0:53.2	Good.
0:53.7	Yeah?
0:54.5	All is well.
0:55.7	I can't think of anything wrong.
0:57.4	Did you play golf yesterday? I did. You did? Yeah, of course. I play golf all the time. Well, I know. Why do you get so excited? Well, yesterday you were kind of on the fence. You're like, I don't know. I might play golf. I could tell you hadn't fully decided to do that.
1:09.2	I didn't make a tee time or anything, but yeah.
1:09.9	I played late in the evening.
1:11.2	Did Chacha go with you?
1:12.4	No, he had his first football practice. golf, I could tell you hadn't fully decided. I didn't make a tea time or anything, but yeah. I played late in the evening.
1:11.2	Did Chacha go with you?
	...

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