#499: Codependency is Keeping You Small

The Mark Groves Podcast

Mark Groves

Society & Culture, Relationships

4.9 • 5K Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2026

⏱️ 22 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In this episode I go straight at the truth most of us avoid: if you don’t decide who you are, someone else will decide for you. I unpack how people pleasing, codependency, and the fear of saying no quietly steal your dreams, your health, and your self respect, and how every external betrayal usually starts with an internal one. I challenge you to audit where you’re abandoning yourself, where you’re choosing belonging over authenticity, and where you’re consuming instead of creating. If you’re ready to stop outsourcing your identity, stop living for approval, and finally build relationships that help you grow instead of shrink, this conversation will light a fire under you. Resources: —Get My Breakup 5 Day Audio Series and Workbook: www.createthelove.com/breakupaudio Get My Book! Liberated Love - Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire: https://markgroves.com/book —Explore My Courses: https://markgroves.com/courses Follow me and my work here: —Subscribe to my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/user/markgrovestv —Subscribe to my Substack: https://markgroves.substack.com —Instagram - @createthelove: https://www.instagram.com/itsmarkgroves —Facebook - @createthelove: https://www.facebook.com/createthelove Have A Question?—Have a Question For Mark That You’d Like To Hear Answered on the Podcast? Leave us a Voice Note Here: https://www.speakpipe.com/TheMarkGrovesPodcast If you want to dive deeper into Mark’s content, search through every episode, find specific topics we’ve covered, and ask him questions, go to his Dexa page: https://ask.markgroves.com Drop us a note at podcast@markgroves.com for sponsor product support, questions, comments, guest suggestions, or just to say hello! This episode is sponsored by: Institute for Integrative Nutrition: Certified Health Coach Training: Use code MARKGROVES20 for 20% off ALL courses from IIN & Chopra at https://l.shareiin.com/Zs6uK

Transcript

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0:00.0	If you do not decide who you are, someone else will tell you who to be, and you will be that.
0:06.9	That's a painful reality, that if we don't have access to our own self-expression and determining
0:12.4	what we actually want from our life, the types of relationships we want to create,
0:17.2	if we don't fully embody that, then we will allow other people to determine who we are.
0:22.9	Now, we would know this as the term codependency or people pleaser. And there's a saying that
0:27.8	the people pleaser is a disease to please, but it's not really a disease to please. It's a desire
0:34.0	to create safety. And we're trying to create safety by minimizing conflict, by making
0:40.1	sure that you like who I am. And as Gabor Mante talks about, he says that all humans have two
0:45.9	needs. We have the need to be authentic, and we have the need to belong, but when the authenticity
0:50.4	threatens belonging, belonging usually wins, which essentially means that if you being
0:55.9	you ends a relationship or puts it at risk, you won't be you to keep the relationship.
1:01.4	This would be very something like someone with anxious attachment, right?
1:04.5	That's why there's always these overlaps in different frameworks of how we see relational
1:09.6	behaviors. But someone who's anxiously attached prioritizes other relationships over themselves.
1:16.1	Other people become ahead of them.
1:18.4	But when someone else comes ahead of you, which I'm not saying, of course your kids can,
1:22.7	of course people can and there will be times.
1:25.0	But the line between actually compromising and self-abandoning is very
1:29.2	thin. And for people who self-abandoned and are codependent, that line's gone. It doesn't even exist.
1:34.2	It's like, I will lose myself to keep you. I will forget about my dreams and my passions and my
1:40.9	self-expression and my anger and my grief, all of that is going to go to the side
1:45.7	because I want to accommodate you. I take care of everybody. I make sure everyone else is okay,
	...

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