#495 - Oil Gangs, Fiddler of the Roof and Bags In The Sex Shop

Elis James and John Robins

BBC

Comedy

4.8 • 6K Ratings

🗓️ 5 December 2025

⏱️ 57 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Oil rises to the top of the content liquid again, primarily because of its lower density. It’s hard to remove as we know, so there’s a slick across the episode clogging our feathers.

So what are your oils? More importantly, what are Adrian’s oils? And will John insist on going through all the smoke points of all the oils? Questions that are all answered within.

Plus, Elis has got deep into a karaoke hell cubicle, Producer Dave’s left his bags at a sex shop and John once again stays in touch with the cultural zeitgeist.

“Unless they set cryptic crosswords for The Times, are in Geese or are Brian Eno I don’t know who they are.”

The Bureau is of course available on Saturday only on the universe-leading BBC Sounds.

Got something of note? Then [email protected] and 07974 293 022 on WhatsApp are your primary nodes of correspondence.

Transcript

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0:00.0	BBC Sounds, Music, Radio, podcasts.
0:07.3	Welcome to the Wayne Rooney show.
0:09.3	Twice a week, Wayne Rooney, Kayeard and me, Kelly Somers,
0:12.4	break down the biggest stories in the Premier League and beyond.
0:15.5	Coming to the Premier League, he's shown one called Play, he isn't.
0:18.2	He's been probably the sound of the season.
0:19.6	Plus, we'll hear the funniest and most outrageous stories from Wayne's career.
0:23.7	I had two seasons when I played as the number nine and scored 34 goals in both the seasons.
0:28.1	But I was bored.
0:30.3	Wayne Runey Show.
0:31.5	It's what everybody's talking about.
0:33.8	Watch an eye player, listen on sounds.
1:11.7	Thank you. Hello, Watch an eye player, listen on Towns. Hello, welcome to Ellis and John. Thank you very much for downloading. And Dave has just come up with a fantastic idea. And the campaign begins here. We have Christmas decorations up in the studio for the first time because it's December,
1:19.7	first show of December, and John came in and he immediately began to improve. He saw weaknesses in the way David set things up. He started to spruce. He started to attend. He started to tinker.
1:26.9	And it was really, really nice. He's done a great job of it. He's got a little Robin with a beanie hat on and a scarf hanging from his mic stand. He's framed the good radio bell with a snowman and a Santa Claus. And Dave said, oh, I didn't expect this from John. I said, no, no, this is what he does. He was either going to come in and say, get rid of it. We are not doing this. We're not doing this. We are not that podcast. We are a serious podcast. I'm either scorched earth or planting acorns. Absolutely. Exactly. 100%. So true. try to improve or you'll refuse.
2:03.7	Yeah.
2:04.1	It's improve or refuse.
2:05.9	364 days of the year, it's scorched earth.
2:08.4	Yeah.
2:09.2	Today, we all breathe a breath of relief.
2:11.9	No, no, no, no.
2:12.6	Because he often, like, if you've got to take our photo or something, he will say, no, no, no, Dave, you're not framing properly.
	...

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