BBC Sounds, Music, Radio, podcasts.

Welcome to the Wayne Rooney show.

Twice a week, Wayne Rooney, Kayeard and me, Kelly Somers,

break down the biggest stories in the Premier League and beyond.

Coming to the Premier League, he's shown one called Play, he isn't.

He's been probably the sound of the season.

Plus, we'll hear the funniest and most outrageous stories from Wayne's career. I had two seasons when I played as the number nine and scored 34 goals in both the seasons. But I was bored. Wayne Rooney Show. It's what everybody's talking about. Watch an eye player, listen on Towns. Welcome to Alison John. Thank you for listening. And if you detect shakiness in my voice, it's because I have been chastened. We had one of our biannual show meetings yesterday to discuss potential new features and whether the show budget stretches to me going to Egrosuru in Pembrokeshire for a week-long intensive Cumbry Connection training session. Dave looks sheepish and John looks stern. After some frosty pleasantries

were exchanged, John passed an envelope to me. He told me to open it. His gaze remained steely as I read

the note. You are Moribund, it said in block capitals.

Dave looks sheepish. John said, I'm making changes and I'm tired of hearing your apologies. We are changing the title to the John Robin's show plus regionality from Ellis. It's actually a country with its own language and culture, not a regionized spread out. Oh, be real, said John. If you're going to remain on the John Robin show with Reginaldcy from Ellis, you need to come up with three show ideas now. Okay, I splittered. My career and mortgage on the line. What if you're in the pub and you've bought four different pining them, brand of glasses, and you need a way of telling which one's which without sipping them because you've forgotten what the barman said. John stayed. That's an idea for an app, not a show feature,

you complete piece of ballast.

Keep thinking. Okay, I said, what's the best Brazil? The country nut or wax? That's better. That's better. Oh, I'm done. I done. I cried. John allowed me to hug his waist for a bit before giving me an old tissue from Café Niro to wipe my nose. Consider this your probation. Thanks, Dad. I mean, John, I said, today, listeners, is the first day of my new life. I'm under a lot of pressure, Dave. Today I've got to be good. So I've got my Cymory connection notes.

Yeah.

With my little map.

I'm prepared.

I've got anecdotes.

I just need John to believe in me.

What have you got to say to that, John?

Pending.

Pending.

Pending.

Pending performance.

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