494: I'm boring on dating apps. Help! How can I balance TEAM with Life? Do relapses come from out of the blue?

Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

David Burns, MD

Self-improvement, Mental Health, Education, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 899 Ratings

🗓️ 23 March 2026

⏱️ 41 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What if the old techniques don't work now?

What can I do if I'm boring on dating apps?

How do I balance TEAM CBT with Life?

Do relapses come from out of the blue?

Carlos continues with his question(s) first addressed on last week's podcast. He'd recovered from depression using TEAM CBT, but had a question about how to challenge his negative thoughts during a relapse, as well as how to balance TEAM CBT with life. Plus a dating question from a man who's never had a date!

Today's questions begin here.

Should I use a brand-new CBT technique to help me overcome my current negative thoughts?

I've been using my previous solutions (Exposure Therapy and Daily Mood Log) however, they don't seem to help out as much as they used to.

How do I balance Team CBT and life?

I've been having a difficult time finding the right balance between Therapy and Life. Whenever I strictly do therapy, I feel good, but then feel sad that I sacrifice other activities in order to do the therapy. Inversely, whenever I do activities (while only occasionally doing therapy), I feel conned by my anxiety and feel as if I can't enjoy doing my activities.

Can you relapse despite having no apparent issues in life?

I'm currently on Christmas break, without much pressure to find a job. Yet despite this, I'm feeling more anxious right now than I was in university! How is this possible? Is there perhaps a hidden emotion or desire that I'm not expressing?

Regardless of how negative I feel right now, I'm doing my absolute best to stay positive and keep working on myself with Team CBT. I'm looking forward to resolving my anxiety with the help of your awesome tools! It was an honor speaking with you, thank you for reading!

-Carlos

David's Answer

Great question, and I'll give you a (hopefully) great answer on the podcast! But here's the quickie answer. Focus on one specific moment when you'd like to be feeling happier, or when you need help to become the person you want to be. Then use a Daily Mood Log, Habit / Addiction Log (HAL), or Relationship Journal, depending on what's needed.

This is the exact same fractal concept we use in all of TEAM CBT!

Warmly, david

I am overly sincere and boring on dating apps. What can I do to correct this?

Michael writes: Hi Dr burns

I am 30 and never dated anyone. Whenever I start chatting on dating apps I seem very boring or sincere person how can I talk to someone in this?

Regards,

Michael (disguised name)

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hello and welcome to the Feeling Good podcast, where you can learn powerful techniques
0:11.6	to change the way you feel. I am your host, Dr. Rhonda Borovsky, and joining me here in the
0:16.8	Murrieta studio is Dr. David Burns. Dr. Burns is a pioneer in the development of
0:22.3	cognitive behavioral therapy and the creator of the new team therapy. He's the author of Feeling
0:27.4	Good, which has sold over 5 million copies in the United States and has been translated into over 30
0:33.2	languages. His latest book, Feeling Great, contains powerful new techniques that make rapid recovery
0:39.3	possible for many people struggling with depression and anxiety. Dr. Burns is currently an
0:44.7	emeritus adjunct professor of clinical psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine.
0:51.1	Hello, Rhonda. Hello, Matt. Hello, David and Matt. And welcome to all of the listeners of the Feeling Good podcast. This is episode 494.
1:02.1	And we have four questions. Maybe we'll get to three of them or maybe we'll do all of them. So let's dive in.
1:08.7	You know, in our last week's Ask David episode, we answered a question about relapse prevention.
1:14.9	And there was a follow-up question from the fellow who's...
1:19.3	Carlos.
1:19.9	Carlos, yeah.
1:20.9	So he asked us, when I'm doing relapse prevention, should I use a brand new daily mood log to help me overcome my current
1:30.1	negative thoughts when I relapse? So that's basically the question. Should you start all over
1:36.1	with a new daily mood log? We'll give Matt first shot at this. Yeah, I'm happy to take a first shot at it.
1:46.0	I personally like to do it that way because I think going through the process is helpful,
1:53.0	just to go from one moment in time where I was upset, and then to challenge myself to see if I can figure out, okay, what are the thoughts that are creating those current upsetting feelings?
2:04.6	And I think that's actually an important exercise to practice so that we get better and better at identifying those thoughts on our own and defeating them.
2:14.6	So I think the process actually is important.
2:16.6	In theory, I guess you could go back
	...

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