491: Behind the Rank: Ashley DeLauro on When Encouragement Is the Mask
Your Virtual Upline Podcast
Bob Heilig
4.9 • 1.7K Ratings
🗓️ 12 March 2026
⏱️ 42 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
We are told that if we just work hard enough, hit the next rank, and lead the team to the top, we will finally find the freedom we were promised. But for many, reaching that pinnacle feels less like a celebration and more like a heavy burden. In this installment of Behind the Rank, I am joined by Ashley DeLauro to pull back the curtain on what happens when encouragement becomes a mask.
Ashley built an incredible organization, hitting the top 1% of her company in record time. Yet, despite the awards and the stage time, she found herself feeling like an imposter, terrified that if she stopped pushing, it would all disappear. We dig into the "Performer Mask," the exhausting cycle of constantly pumping the tires of your team, the reality of leading through borrowed belief, and how the pressure to be perfect actually disconnects you from the very people you are trying to help.
If you have ever felt like you are running a race that has no finish line, or if you are tired of using motivation as a way to manage your own fear, this conversation with Ashley is for you. We are moving past the hustle and exploring how to lead from a place of genuine connection and calling.
Listen to Learn:
5:38 - Why hitting the top 1% felt more like a cage than a victory, and the exact moment Ashley realized that chasing a rank was a strategy built on fear, not fulfillment
14:36 - How relying on your team to "do it for you" creates a cycle of exhaustion, and why that momentum inevitably crashes once the external goal is achieved
17:09 - The way that operating as a "Performer" forced Ashley to disconnect from her own intuition, and kept her from speaking her truth even while standing on the biggest stages
21:33 - Why constant encouragement often feels like a transaction to your team, and how that performance actually prevents the deep connection you are craving
27:21 - How to stop trying to "fix" your team's mindset so you can actually lead them
31:31 - The pivotal shift that happened when Ashley started leading with presence, and how one apology changed the trajectory of her leadership journey
32:57 - Why your best leadership instincts are often the ones you are most afraid to trust, and how reconnecting to your LOVE-LED™ nature removes the need to perform
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey, Bob here. |
| 0:02.5 | Welcome to the Your Virtual Upline podcast. |
| 0:12.3 | I never would have looked at it like I was performing. |
| 0:16.1 | You know what I mean? |
| 0:17.3 | Yeah. |
| 0:18.2 | Me pumping their tires and trying to like get them to believe that is the performance |
| 0:23.8 | because underneath it, I wanted to empower them so they would move. |
| 0:31.1 | Welcome back to the show. |
| 0:32.8 | Today, I'm excited to share another installment in our new series here on the podcast called Behind |
| 0:39.6 | the Rank. So if you're tuning in for the first time, this series exists for leaders |
| 0:45.7 | who have built success and then realize that something still felt off. Now, if I asked most |
| 0:54.0 | leaders in this profession what their greatest |
| 0:55.8 | strength is, they probably say something like, I pour into my people. I love on them. I encourage, |
| 1:03.6 | I motivate them. I'm always there for them. And I bet everyone around that leader would agree, right? |
| 1:10.7 | That's what good leadership |
| 1:12.2 | looks like in this profession, the one who shows up, the one who's always pumping up their |
| 1:18.8 | team, and the one that never stops believing in your people, even when they stop believing |
| 1:25.5 | in themselves. But what if all of that was actually fear? |
| 1:33.3 | What if the thing that you've been calling your greatest leadership quality is actually a mask? |
| 1:41.3 | What if encouragement, the way you've been doing it has been keeping you from the one |
| 1:48.1 | thing that your team actually needs from you? So those are the questions we're going to answer |
| 1:53.8 | on today's episode. And my guest today is Ashley DeLaro. She's a national vice president with |
... |
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