There is a fear that sits underneath almost every anxiety symptom I have ever seen.

It's not panic, it's not intrusive thoughts, and it's not the worry about healthful relationships

or whether you've locked the front door.

It is this, what if I'm not enough?

What if, at the end of it all, I'm just fundamentally not enough? Not as a partner, not as a parent, not as a person. And here is what makes this fear so insidious. The harder you try to answer it, the worst it gets. You seek reassurance, you collect evidence, you build a case

for your own self-work, and it works, but just for a little while. And then the doubt comes

right back, and this time louder. Today we have Paul Gilmartin. He's the host of the

Mental Illness Happy Hour and someone who has sat with thousands of people

in their darkest places.

And we are going deep into this fear, where it comes from, and why trying to answer it keeps you stuck

and what actually moves the needle.

Paul, welcome to the show.

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I always enjoy. Thank you.

Thank you so much for having me.

I always enjoy talking to you.

For years, you have been interviewing people on the mental illness happier, which is like a very successful mental health podcast.

Sitting with people in those really honest moments, is this a fear you've heard other people suffer from?

Yes, and in my support groups as well. Even if they don't quite say that, you know, of all the experiences I've shared and heard other people share, you can kind of distill it down to one of three things, if not all three at the

same time, which is some version of, I don't have enough, I don't do enough, I'm not enough. And maybe

even a fourth one at the same time, which is I'm also too much. Yeah. I'm not enough of the good.

I'm too much of the bad. Yeah. It's like the same, it's a different side of the same coin. Yeah. And you said that to me in a

conversation you and I had privately, you know, this core fear of you'll never have enough. I'm

...